If you're not comfortable with reading about sexual things, or whatever, then please don't read this.
Oh, and this might be REALLLLY long.
*If a mod deems that this is inappropriate, they can delete it*
Hi Guys,
I can't believe I'm going to share this with strangers, but I feel like I have to get it out.
I'm going to put it bluntly here... but I enjoy sex. I've always been quite "out-there" and open and experimental. I've done some crazy and fun things, and am always up to try new things with my partner. We have a lot of fun in bed and enjoy each other.
Now.. some backstory. About 2 months ago now, my partner and I and a good friend of ours had.. well.. a "threesome." Now, I really enjoyed it and we all had a lot of fun and everything is fine between us all. **Also an important note is that my Mum was away on holiday at this time**
Late in the night/early morning after it happened, at the friends house, I had a panic attack. Now, I'd been drinking quite a bit, plus just had a new experience so I figured it was all of that just compounded. So I panicked, and tried to calm myself down, but couldnt, so my partner took me home.
From then, I freaked out. I just couldn't stop the anxious feeling. It was all new to me, because I'd had panic attacks before over the years, and as horrible as they are, I could deal with that. But this all-day, constant, non-stop anxious feeling and feeling on edge was all new to me and utterly terrifying.
So I jumped on the net and searched and searched and searched to find anyone who could help. I found this site, and what a godsend it's been. But anyway. As I said, this was all very new to me, and I was terrified that it would never go away.
I don't mean to sound rude, but I was scared I might end up like some of the people on the forums - housebound and dealing with anxiety 24/7. That scared the shit out of me. I couldn't handle it for 1 day, let alone all of the time.
So I was ringing my Mum while she was on holiday, sobbing and freaking out. She was worried for me, and said that subconsciously it was probably separation anxiety because she was gone.
Anyway, I struggled through 2 and a half weeks of it until Mum got back, and although I wasn't 100%, I felt heaps better once she was home.
Since then I've been pretty ok. I've had a few moments of feeling a bit on edge or anxious, but I've been good.
NOW, to get to the point of the story:
Ok. So NOW, after all that, I've started getting anxious again today. And I'm getting the stupid, scary thoughts with it.
Now.. this is gonna sound silly.. and you'll probably laugh at me.. but I got really panicky today after umm.. looking down at my "bits" while in the shower. It was as if I was disgusted to have these bits.. or freaked out.. or something. I actually felt nauseas and my heart was pounding.
But the thing is, I ENJOY sex, and I'm very open and talk about it often with my partner and some friends... we talk about it in detail, joke about it, talk about things that could happen etc... All sorts of things. And most of the time I'm fine.
But sometimes, I just FREAK about sexual things. Any time I think about it, I freak out. Sometimes I'll even freak if I think about the friend that was the "3rd person" in our experience.
I dont know if it's my subconscious trying to deal with what happened, but I'm so confused.
If I was nervous, or didn't enjoy it, or whatever.. then I'd understand. But I really enjoy sexual things, I had alot of fun that night, and I should be fine. Why am I feeling this?
I'd ask if anyone else has ever felt anything similar, but I doubt it.
Please don't think bad of me or anything because of this.. I just had to get it out.
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