Hi there everyone!
I'm Cynthia and I have been suffering from panic attacks and general anxiety for the last 5 years. I have good and bad days and it was on one of those bad days when I came across this site, I found it very helpful and it made me feel a lot less alone.
I went to the doctor last week in the hope of getting some more treatment, she is going to get me some councelling sorted, I also have private healthcare through work so with a bit of luck it will be funded by that.
I used to try and hide my panic as I was so ashamed, this is why I was reluctant to seek help at first. Lately I have discovered that speaking and being honest about it to people gives me a sense of relief. I no longer feel that I need to be 'normal' all the time and if people are aware of my issues they will understand if I feel a bit anxious.
My boss at work knows about my disorder and has been extremely helpful. Unfortunately I have lost all my friends as they were unable to accept that I was too scared to do certain things and that certain things made me feel very anxious.
I have a boyfriend of 2 years who has been an absolute rock. I can talk to him about anything and he has been there for me like no one else has. When I met him I told him all about my issues and what he was letting himself in for and he accepted them and has been keen to help ever since. I am truely lucky to have someone like him to support me.
I still live at home with my parents who also understand and have helped me through.
I am gradually understanding that it is only my irrational thoughts which are making me feel this way but I know it will be a long road ahead.
I know this may sound silly but my main fear is feeling ill as I haven't had enough food. Not sure if anyone else feels light-headed and generally ill if they haven't eaten but that really sets off my panic. It has taken a change of diet (no sugar, no refined carbs) to help me lessen these feelings but it is still a struggle sometimes. I always need to make sure I have food with me. I am gradually getting to the stage where I know that when I eat something the horrible feeling will go away soon afterwards. I have got to know that I won't faint due to panicing but sometimes I feel faint due to not eating and then I freak out as I fear that there is a real danger of fainting! Silly I know, but does anyone else feel like this?
Well thanks for listening to me, I am looking to make some real friends on this site, not so called friends who will desert me when I stop doing the things they want me to do! Please feel free to get it touch, it would be great to hear from any of you.
Cynthia xx
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