I wonder if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing;
I have a lovely family and a few nice friends but find one of the things that causes more anxiety attacks then anything else is making sure they are all happy. I put enormous pressure on myself to make sure I have spent enough time with each of them and that they are all ok. My dad is on his own after my mum died 13 years ago. I got married last year and am only truly happy when I'm with my husband. I have a niece and nephew and was once 'told off' my my sister in law for not going to see them for 3 weeks (the middle week of which they were actually on holiday)
The result of these circumstances leaves me exhausted. I have one day off in the week and ensure I spend time with my niece and nephew on that day; if not them then I see my dad. Weekends are dedicated to my lovely husband but then that leaves my dad on his own and makes me feel awful. If I don't hear from my family I instantly think I've done something to upset them. I get my head into such a pickle thinking what they might be thinking and when I do go to see them (they never visit me) I'm really tense and I think they just think I'm weird!! My dad calls once a week but since I've got married he's always saying he doesn't know when it's best to call despite me saying anytime is fine. It's always me that makes contact with them and it makes me feel like they don't really like me! I hardly ever see my friends these days as fitting them in is just impossible.
The whole thing is crazy and I know it's my issue not theirs. I had some cognitive therapy a couple of years ago but don't think the guy really understood where the stress was coming from. He said that my family probably just expected that I would be the one to make all the contact and that I should just sit back and not do all the running. But then I feel like they will just be offish with me and how will that help? The therapy was a bit of a disaster all told. The man just seemed to use text book speak from his psychology library and it all went over my head (and I'm getting grade one passes in my OU science degree so I should have been able to understand what he was saying!)
My solution is that I want to take my husband and our pets and move to the Outer Hebrides (I'm not kidding) My husband is thrilled because he loves the Western Isles and so it would be easy for him.
Does any one else struggle with a similar thing and what mechanisms did you use to deal with it. I really do drive myself nuts with it.
Warbler