Feel shocking today.... awful awful anxiety, panic and tearfulness, feel very distressed. I have dreadful anxiety symptoms, I feel sick, headachy, very tired but yet I can't sit still, churning stomach, pins and needles...I could go on and on. I feel like there's acid in my veins instead of blood. It's hard to believe that anxiety can make you feel this bad.
I wasn't too bad yesterday.... I've been having some family dramas, but nothing too exceptional, and I managed to get into work, just for the morning, on Wed. Last night I was watching a film, Unfaithful, because it has the gorgeous Olivier Martinez in it. Anyway, it got to the scene where he gets murdered (sorry, this is a spoiler) and it was so horrible and unexpected... all this blood came out of nowhere... I started screaming and shaking and thought I was going to be sick. I ran upstairs and had a massive fit of panic, just felt horrible. I couldn't watch the rest of the film, and that horrible image has been running over and over in my head. It seems to have triggered all sorts of horrible thoughts and feelings. I feel distressed and horrible about it, telling myself it was only a film, etc, just doesn't help. It seems to have brought on all these horrid distressing feelings about how tragic and fleeting life is, and how scary and random. I can't really put it into words, but I've been in tears all day. Just when I dared to think I might just be getting a little better, putting my breakdown behind me, this goes and happens.
Really sorry to post yet again.. thanks everyone for being patient, I do try to return the favour. Sorry, I just feel totally dreadful. xxx