Hello and need some support

[JacobM]

Just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jake and I have been dealing with anxiety all of my life.

Have been through many tough stages first when I was a teen and became terrified that I was going to kill my parents (didn't want to).

In my twenties I started having panic attacks became afraid that I was going insane and that I had HIV. Always deal with anxiety on some level but during times of stress it really flares up.

I am a recovering alcoholic and all of my fear is based on the fear of alcoholic relaspe (I don't want to drink). Don't even like to look at liquor bottles. Avoid eating a lot of foods for fear that there is alcohol in it. Constantly asking friends and family and AA sponsor for reassurance that I haven't relapsed etc.

This has really affected my life. Wake up sweating often, have chills and only distractions provide relief.

Take Paxil 40mg for the last 5 years. Old Therapist diagnosed me with GAD, but also had some OCD symptoms. Thought that I had both OCD and GAD and told friend in AA who is OCD. After much time together he told me that I had OCD went to see local psychologist and told him. He said that I had OCD as well. Spoke with old therapist today and he told me that he never diagnosed me with OCD just GAD. This upset me cause I am not sure what's going on. Anytime I do anything my thoughts always go back to "what if I relapse?" or "what if I have relapsed" i.e. by eating a cookie with vanilla extract in it.

Just curious as to whether or not my symptoms seem common to GAD or what? Sorry so long. Am glad to find this sight.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Jake

A big warm welcome to you.

You will deffo find the support you need.

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MANDIE XX

Will I ever escape this?
Will I ever be free?
Wake me up from this nightmare.
Please just give me the key!

[Meg]

Hi Jake

When you have anxiety is is absolutely normal to obsess about something without having OCD.

I obsessed about using knives for a while- then I obsessed about fainting and going mad. It was pure anxiety about these issues that fuelled them and it never occurred to me fortunately that it may have been OCD.

OCD traditionally is more pertinent when you have to do something - a compulsion to neutralize the obsession.

The 'what ifs' are very anxiety driven.

There is a growing tendency especially in the US to use a new label of pure O only D, so obsessions but without any compulsions disorder.

I'm no expert at all in OCD but I can't see how this differs from plain acute anxiety related to one/ two specific issues. I spent hours ruminating about my fears.
The treatments of choice appear to be identical.

I am glad though that it wasn't suggested to me at the time as I struggled to shake off my anxiety and panic labels without having another one added.

I would welcome others opinions on this

Have you ever achieved freedom from your thoughts
Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour in Thoughts

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Hi Jacob

When I very first got anxiety I was always scared that I was a danger to my kids and anyone else.

I had pictures of myself running down corridors in a long nightie yeilding a big dagger with wild straggly hair streaming out around me (lisaS remembers this story). Obviously watched one too many victorian horror movies.

So yes I would say your symptoms are common to GAD.

A big welcome to the site and hope to see you in the chatroom sometime.

Love Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Gareth]

Hi JacobM,

I also am no expert, but I am a GAD sufferer (self diagnosed by the way - we don't have the same health system as you over here so don't really have access to psychiatrists so often have to self diagnose. Our GPs are uniformly useless on mental health issues with very few exceptions).

I don't think you have OCD. I agree with Meg - it seems your anxiety levels are very high, and one of the more common symptoms of anxiety seems to be obsessing about various things. You will see by the way that your obsessions change that you don't have OCD - this is characterised by a single obsession that doesn't change, and that is only relieved by ritualistic carrying-out of an activity.

I also agree that "Pure O" is just a new way the "professionals" have of labelling good old traditional anxiety!

I obsess about things. For example, I obsess about the anxiety itself, and I often feel that I am not particularly anxious, and if I could stop the obsessing, I would feel fine. I also obsess about real-life worries - this is one of the things that got to me to where I am with this disorder.

Anyway, my own theory is that all of these anxiety problems are essentially the same thing, just with differing symptoms. They are all about fear and emotions - i.e. the fear of strong emotions and the inability to control and regulate emotion - this usually seems to come from people's upbringing or a real trauma in life.

It seems that the way out is to deal with unresolved problems either from the past or the present, to accept that your symptoms cannot harm you, to relax properly, to be as physically well as you can, and to never give in and feel sorry for yourself. There is a multitude of other stuff in there but those seem to be the basics.

all the very best to you
Gareth

*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

[JacobM]

Thanks everyone for your comments. Very helpful and comforting. I was just curious, however, with my current fear of alcohol relapse does it make sense that EVERYTHING goes back to that? What I mean is when I get angry the thought comes in my head: "What if I relapse?" or worse "You should drink" or something along those lines which scare the heck out of me. Or today I was sitting at the table talking at dinner and all of the sudden one thought led to another and I thought of my aunt drinking (she does) and this scared me: shortness of breath, shakes, rapid heart beat the whole nine yards. I know that it's a anxiety attack. Still. Must say, however, that was the only one I've had so far today and it was pretty benign (meaning it didn't last particularly long after I told myself what it was). Still, I feel a bit shaky and for some reason I'm tense and afraid I will drink even though I don't want to.

Sorry if I was babbling there.

[Gareth]

Jacob,

I can relate to how all anxiety seems to stem from one thought. The reason for this is simply that alcohol relapse is the thing you are most scared of. We anxiety sufferers seem to like to scare ourselves - I guess there is probably an explanation for this, but I'm not sure what it is! Therefore your mind will hone in on the one thing you are most scared of, and use it when you are already anxious to push your levels of anxiety up. You do it because you KNOW that it scares you, and therefore you can use it to good effect. I have one particular thought that REALLY terrifies me, and my mind will really grab it and use it to get my anxiety going up and up. Once it starts it impossible to stop, and the only way through the thoughts is to let them come and tell yourself it is the anxiety talking, and that the thoughts can't hurt you.

I think it is similar to OCD, in that the only real way past it is to stand up to the fear. In the same way that a washing obsessive OCD sufferer will make great headway by gradually reducing their washing rituals, anxiety sufferers can make headway by looking panic attacks and scary thoughts right in the face.

So... each time the thoughts come you have to say "how likely is it that this will happen?" "Is this really a helpful thought for me right now?" "Isn't it more likely that x, y and z will happen instead?" and with the anxiety attacks, look them in the eye and examine them, say to yourself "What is really happening here?" "What have I said to myself to put me in this situation?" "Is this really so bad - can I cope with this?"

I hope some of that helps

Gareth

*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

[Meg]

I agree totally with Gareth.

You know your own point of potential weakness and you exploit it yourself when a potential situation arises, by allowing that seed of doubt to germinate and grow.


By facing and overcoming it sucessfully and teaching yourself that each time you resist and conquer it , the next time it is a bit weaker in its adamancy that it will prevail - as you now have a proven track record and careful documented evidence that shows and states that it will not succeed..

Its like a debate within yourself

obsessional negative thoughts


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Hi Jacob

Yes I totally agree with Gareth too - it has to be something that terrifies you for the circle of anxiety to exist. Yes we all have the symptoms in common and the fact that we let the thought esculate but the trigger thought has to be something that personally terrifies us and obviously that will vary from person to person.

Love Piglet

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Jake


I have read what Meg has written and totally agree with everything she has said.

When anxiety first hits, it can emerge into various differant symptoms, I mean it was not until I found this site that I realised that my fear of death was also related to my health fears and hence my anxieties have worsened over the years.

I also have fears of food and various other things, but I am also able to detach myself from this and I know as unrealistic as it is, in my head it is still a huge anxiety issue which has led to god knows how many panic attacks over the years


You are now in a great place here where you will recieve lots of help and support


Take care and keep posting


sue with 5

scknight