You know, sometimes like now i wonder why i bother. Im sat here typing this post on the Laptop whilst wondering if im going to Die.
Yet again im constantly worried about heart failure or that im wrong about some medical issue that makes me so anxious or worried about the slightest thing.
Tonight it was heartburn, stupid huh, not really eaten much all day because im paranoid about my weight. this is all random btw i apologise to anyone even remotly trying to make sense of it.
When a grown man sits in bed ready to burst into tears at just anything it feels silly, im normally a strong person, but since my father died (12 years ago) its as if im always living behind a clear glass wall that is ready to shatter at any moment and let the world come rushing in.
ive Panicked over so many things, if panic could be a new olympic event i swear i would win every year, although never turn up because it would undoubtibly be in a huge building (another damn phobia)
Heres a list for you,
im "Bothered" by the following...
Large structures - ie bridges, Cathedrals, tunnnels etc
i fear conflict, death and worry
i hate the way i look, feel and act
im afraid to go out with my girlfriend to any area with people because im afraid if we get into trouble i cant defend her. i fall to peices in stressfull situations (makes no sense as i used to teach martial arts to a huge group of people)
Im bothered about being too thin (i dont wear t-shirts) im bothered about being too fat (i rarely have a top on that shows my body shape)
Im a mess.
Ive just got to the bottom of my barrel and when i look up, well its a dark sky above me.
I would like to think that someone, somewhere in this huge open world is out there...