I'm struggling to relax at the moment and can't seem to get over the anxiety. The obsessive side has become a bit much for me and it's soo controlling.

Especially with negative thoughts I obsess over clothes, possessions and avoid buying things due to HOCD thoughts saying it's not man enough. I feel desperate in ways like I will take any job or any woman due to me not getting what I want. In general I feel I have a list of everything that needs changing and I know that's me as I look back to 2007 I had a g.f and enjoyed my job. I feel I've gave up looking for what makes me happy. I feel I will never find that career or a nice woman to make me happy.

I don't feel I have much control left or will to fight them off I get the odd occasion negative thought free then most of the time I'm Mr anxiety. I think anxiety is now me and I feel it's never going to pass. It's got a grip on my life so I feel beaten. I know it's anxiety but the negative thoughts make me avoid everything.

The intrusive thoughts is the worst part of anxiety as it controls you, defines how you act, behave, sends tension signals to the body. I've felt on the edge of a breakdown for months and not sure what to think.

My heads muffled, I feel out of control of my actions and don't know what's anxiety at times and what's me being me.