Re: fear of dying
My FIL passed away yesterday morning. He'd been unconscious for two days, in no pain, and was snoring like a freight train. He left this world without fuss or fanfare. His was a good death. Sure, there was discomfort in the weeks leading up to his death, but the same can be said of birth.
Death isn't the enemy. It's as natural as birth and every living thing will eventually die. Even Bruce Forsyth went in the end, and he was three hundred years old!
The enemy is fear of the unknown. Most people don't know what it's like to die, so we imagine all sorts of crap. However, some people die and come back to tell the tale -known as NDEs.
Almost every person who has had a near death experience comes back giving zero shits about death and dying, so if you fear these things, maybe take a look at NDEs? There are plenty of NDE accounts out there, and if we have an idea of what death will be like, we are less likely to fear it, no?
I haven't had a fear of death, itself, since my gran paid me a visit one morning when I was 13, and she'd been dead for seven years, but I've definitely had a problem with becoming ill and leaving my son before my job of getting him to independence is done... nothing in this life has scared me more! But I overcame that, with a lot of effort on my part, but I'd like to share some of the things that I've learned along the way to acceptance...
If you can imagine a horrible scary death for yourself, you can also imagine the one you'd want to have.
Be mindful that 'stuff' won't matter in the end. You won't give a shit about your CD's or the nice car in the drive. Love is all that will matter. I found that out during my first 'heart attack' which turned out to be a severe panic attack. All I wanted to do was crawl into my son's room so I could see him one last time. Nothing else mattered!
Plan your funeral: It's going to happen one day. That's a cert, so why not plan for this event as you would a birth? Entrances and exits, folks. Can't have one without the other. My funeral was planned when I was convinced I was dying, but I actually got a lot of comfort from doing it. I've planned everything from the music, to the pictures (because my husband's idea of a 'nice' photo is completely different to mine ) to the eulogy, to the verses from Matt Haig's, 'The Humans'. I've done the lot. All people have to do is turn up and listen. It's me saying goodbye to those I love, in my own words - in my own way. I've sat through so many impersonal funerals with vicars rambling on about somebody they've never known, and that just doesn't work for me.
Think of each day as if it was your last. Would you really want to waste it by worrying?
Remind yourself that, yes, you're going to die, but you're alive now. It's up to you how you live this moment.
And this next one is especially helpful...
Every time you have a fearful thought about death or dying - such as, 'I'M SO TERRIFIED OF DYING. I CAN'T STAND THIS!!' you will be using your inner voice, so try and change the tone by rethinking this terrifying thought only this time by using a funny voice like the Lego Batman or Johnny Bravo (ya might need to Google him) or whoever makes you laugh!
You can go further and imagine them in their undies or wearing a gimp suit - kind of like Harry Potter and the Boggart type deal? Not gimp suits, obvs. But the idea was to take what they feared (spiders etc) and make it 'Riddikulus!' by giving it roller skates. Doing this removes fear from the thought, so the body doesn't trigger the stress response. On the contrary, it releases the happy hormones..
I'm trying to stay alive so I can finish my job, but death doesn't scare me at all. When it comes, it will be a release after a challenging life. I'm rather looking forward to not having to feel all the heavy crap that I drag around with me everyday. I have accepted that I can't control when I die. All I can do is try to give my body a helping hand by eating well and keeping my stress levels down, and should I become ill with some disease which threatens my existence, I will deal with it because I want to go out with grace and dignity - not kicking and screaming. That's not how I want to be remembered..
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A thought is harmless unless we believe it.