Hey People
I have suffered (although it's under more control now) social anxiety for over 4 years. It started with my first love (which I'm also depressed about since we broke up and im wondering if it was me!).....we were 16.
I just started feeling really bad. like more than nervous with him, like really anxious. his mum made me feel like i was being judged. then i actually started feeling sick when eating. then it turned into being sick (even in public places!). my ex byofriend stuck by me though, and we were together just over 2 yrs before we first broke up (my decision, after starting uni).
I'm not exactly sure why i felt the need to end it. it was a need, not a want. i just seemed to find myself at my uni, yet when i would go to see my ex felt an ernormous flood of anxiety and dread and fear rushing back. we began bickering. he felt distant to me. i guess through the change of uni. so i ended it!... a couple of months after i was plagued with feelings of deep regret and guilt and took the plunge and asked him back. he said yes.
we were then together another 2 yrs or more (till i ended it again!). i really don't understand y. i didn't want to end it but somehow felt compelled to. i think maybe it was just a combination of the social anxiety, my insecurities, projecting things onto him, picking on him... with the fact we were so young, i didnt really know what i wanted etc. i don't really blame myself. but i just miss him so much. and now im just left feeling really rubbish and depression with low self esteem, wondering how things may have been different.
As i said, it seems to have gone now, its under much more control. which makes it even more disheartening really, but then i guess it's good. i have put on more than 2 stone so i guess im doing something right lol! i just miss my ex boyfriend so much. but i can't see it working .
Really hate anxiety, panic attacks, low self esteem. makes everything bleak and confusing and miserable. sorry for being so pessimistic lol, but it's how i feel at the minute.
Any1 had any similar experiences with food? or feel like it got in the way of things? Thanks