Hello everyone.
There has been a lot of talk about this lately so i thought i would post this and explain my recent experiences of being in hospital.
On Thursday September 3rd 2009 my support worker came to visit me at home. I hadn't eaten or slept for four days, all i had done is drink alcohol so you can imagine she was in shock when she saw me i was in a mess. My sons were running riot and my house was a mess.
For the past month after a terrible relationhip my anxiety had shot through the roof and i was very depressed, i was always suffering with very vivid, prominant and distressing thoughts.
When my support worker arrived i was crying uncontrollably and was very traumatised, i told her i simply couldn't cope anymore. The problem was i had been given medication 3 weeks before from my GP but i never took them because i was affraid of them, so i had wasted 3 weeks recovery time.
She immediatly got on to the crisis team and they told her to bring me to A&E to speak to the on call Psychiatrist. Both myself and my support knew that they were likely to admit me so i had to face the awful task of telephoning my mum and telling her, and my sister. It was bad because they had no idea, i never told anyone. I was terrified.
I packed my kids up and took them to my sisters until my mum arrived from West Sussex (thanks mum)
All i did was cry, i couldn't speak to all the doctors and nurses my support worker had to do it while i cried into her shoulder. She was a rock. They did admit me and i was taken to the ward. I was so frightened. The other patients really scared me and i just couldn't accept my situation. My support worker was with me until 10pm, she was with me every step of the way.
They doped me up with medication. I hardly slept that first night, the noises and lights. The next day i was like a zombie, my pupils were three times the size and i was very sleepy. I had to have a health check too and found that i had lost a stone in weight over 4 weeks.
After a few days i started to come out of my room and sit in the day room with the other patients. I found that they were no different than me and i could actually have a conversation with them. Then i started to converse with staff and found that they were lovely too.
By monday i saw a doctor and he allowed me some leave, 30 minutes twice a day on the grounds only, supervised by staff. I hadn't seen my kids since the thursday so he allowed me 15 minutes twice a week with them in the family room, also supervised. This doesn't seem a lot but to me it was like gold. My mum brought the kids up on the Monday night and it was heartbreaking. I couldn't cuddle them without a member of staff having his beady eyes on us. My eldest boy couldn't stop crying and hugging me, he was devastated. Then the 15 minutes was over. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Anyway as the week passed i began to improve, i was socialising more, and realised we were even allowed to have takeaways delivered! I learnt how to play table tennis and managed to beat the champion playerlol. I grew attached to certain members of staff and they were always there for a game or a chat.
I must admit i did have the occasional tantrum, i kicked the bin over, threw my phone and locked myself in the toilets a couple of times...just keeping the staff on their toes.
Friday was coming i had been in for 8 days and i was meeting my consultant for the first time and i was very nervous. He assessed me and decided to keep me in for another week. I was upset but i knew it was the right thing. The ward made me feel safe, and i wasn't yet ready to go home. I also had a tablet phobia before i went in so he just wanted to make sure i was comfortable with them first. Plus i was given more freedom. I was allowed 4 hours leave each day to do what i pleased. I started to pick up my youngest son from school and when my eldest came home we all cooked a meal together.
This was great but hard, each time i had to go back to the hospital i cried my heart out. By wednesday i knew it was time to go home but i knew i couldnt see my consultant till friday.
Friday came and i was discharged! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I had grown to know and love the other patients, they became friends and i will miss them dearly. It's like despite the staff the patients end up supporting each other, we were always there for each other and someone was always available for a cuddle. I'm not saying my time there was good, there was some very frightening times, but on the whole it was the best thing i ever did and i owe them a lot.
When i left i had a million hugs from staff and patients and it was very teary.
I gained a new nick name in there...chuckles! Just because despite everything i always had a smile and a giggle and i was always free with my hugs and making people laugh. I always kept my sense of humour...i think this is important.
Anyway i just wanted to share this. I am in a happy place right now and feel good. I hope i haven't bored you all too much. Thanks for all of the hugs and best wishes while i was in hospital...close to my heart.
Kerry xxx
Reply With Quote
