I am not sure how to start this as its sounds really soppy, but the thing is i have always been a very shy guy, infact to the point were i am unable to speak with the opposite sex with out getting embarrased and nervous..
I will tell you when and were it all started i think...
When i was younger my friends were always boasting about how many girls they had slept with and all that jazz, And not to feel left out i told a little white lie, i said ihad met this girl whilst on holiday with my parents and we had sex on the beach, "Well at least that stopped them calling me Dan the Virgin"..
The when i was 16 my freinds said this girl really fancied me and wanted to sleep with me, this girl had a bit of a reputation and to be honest i didnt really fancy her, but i felt i couldn't say no my freinds would tease me forever...
So off i went to meet this girl at her house as her parents were away, she was so full on and so confident....And i was terrified, shaking in my boots.... Well when we eventually got down to it, it was a total disaster..... and i just couldn't perform it just wouldnt work for me.... not only that the girl actually laughed at me, i begged her not to tell anyone and that i was really sorry...
But guess what yep, she told all my mates that i ccouldnt perform and how small i was down below... I felt so upset i couldnt face anyone and never wanted to be in that posistion ever again, and i got totally humiliated and my mates teased me for what seemed like months and months..
I think thats when i shut up shop.. I wouldnt let people in incase i got hurt again my self confidence was shot to pieces, i could only feel confident after drinking so i started to drink to give me confidence..
I met a girl called Claire who i had knew from school, she was telling me she had been i a really bad relationship, and i helped her through the hard times, she had a 1 year old daughter Megan, and everything was good, we started a relationship, she said she wanted to take every thing slowly which suited me to the ground..
I was with Claire for 6 years the first year was fine the last five a total nightmare, i became her puppet, she would verbally abuse me call me a failure, i could do no right at all, she suffered with depression, i tried my best help but i was pushed away, she finished with me 6 or more times the she would phone me up and ask me to come back, which i always did..
Simply because i believed no one else would ever love me, she told me i should be grateful to her for putting up with me, she would often make me sleep on the floor or on the sofa, I use to really feel sorry for Megan, she would see her mam ranting and raving at me and would get so upset..
I started to suffer from erection problems i have never spoken to anyone about this not even my GP.. Only Clair knew and boy did she let me know, she said i was a failure, i really believed that there is something wrong with me, why couldnt i perform on demand.????
I would get so upset..
Now Claire has left me for someone else, i feel i have lost everything.
The thing is i am so scare to enter another relationship, because one if it doesnt work out i could never end it, i couldn't hurt someone like that, i dont want to be in a bad realtionship like i was. And what will happen if my nerves stop me from performing i couldnt handle the humiliation again...This shouldnt happen to me i am a young man...AAAHHHH "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME"
I guess i must live my life alone......
Desprate Dan