Another fairly bad day here :(

I got up and went to work and was fine there. I had a shaky moment in the morning but it passed and I dealt with it. I even managed to do my first solo teaching session (I'm training to be a teacher). with no real problems. My eyes felt a bit slow to focus but I just tried to accept it. It doesn't really help that people costantly tell me that I look awful/ill - I do look very pale with bags under my eyes but I think that is just from feeling like this and lack of sleep.

As soon as I left the work though I felt like I was going mad.

I have had deapersonalisation before, where I just feel a bit foggy and spaced out but it's never been like this. I am terrified of my own feelings. I just feel that the earth isn't real and that if I shut my eyes it would all disappear. I feel like it's not really me doing the things I am doing and that none of it really exists. It's really horrible and it is scaring me that I am going mad. Is this depersonalisation or derealisation or too serious to be either.

I still manage to look after the kids and work without seeming too mad so how can I go from one feeling to the other so fast?

I just wanted to call my husband at work and ask him to come home but there seemed like no point, it wouldn't change anything. I also just want to cry because I feel so awful but I know that if I started then I would never stop.

SOrry to keep posting but I feel like it will never pass.

Annie x