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Thread: Scary stuff

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    159

    Scary stuff

    Scary stuff ....
    Hi, my journey has not been an easy one, like many of you here I have lived with health anxiety, plus a whole range of other anxiety or mental health issues. My health anxiety has always been based around a fear, no dread of having cancer. The bomb shell came last year that I do in fact have a legion on my brain, near the brain stem.

    Even as a child, from the age of eight I feared I would get cancer or some dreadful disease, even at that age I felt I would die before long, I know now that I was made to feel that I was not worthy to be well, and I deserve to be ill. I know now that I should never have been made to feel that way as a child. I would never sleep, one just in case I died in my sleep and also I didn't deserve to sleep. I would not sleep for 5-6 days straight. No drugs would make me sleep even cocane was tried by my doctors when I was still a child.

    As I grew older I learned to live with this, but went from one type of cancer to another. I would not just think I had cancer, I would make myself ill.

    Some will not believe this but I can assure you it is true, but when I was sixteen I believed I had skin cancer melanoma, this was not imaginary I had moles that grew, and itched, they doubled in size in a matter of weeks. The doctor wanted to remove them, but the panic I felt made me run for the hills, I could not face knowing I was going to die. As soon as I directed my thoughts away from this cancer onto another, the moles stopped growing, and now several years on I know I did not have THAT cancer.

    Over the years I have run the gauntlet of tests, for nearly all the cancers. I have lived and come through panic attacks, been wheel chair bound due to anxiety. I have had O.C.D which has not been easy on people around me.

    I have found only one thing in life that changed my anxiety and that was a complete mind occupying challenge, and I mean such a challenge that my mind can not let my body be ill. I strongly believe that people who suffer from anxiety disorders are normally very intelligent individuals, these people me included can turn there powerful minds in on themselves and MAKE THEM SELVES ILL!

    For a few years I have had various neurological symptoms, this was before they found the legion last year, I have numbness, daily headaches, twitching all scary stuff. I know there is nothing I can do, if the legion is causing this then being where it is, it can not be removed. I have lost 20kg in a year partly because I can't eat due to nausea, and due to anxiety.

    The reason I am posting here is to share my story, and maybe gain some support from others, I know that the anxiety has caused many of my problems, like when I am worse and can't eat I know that anxiety is making it difficult for me to swallow. I ring my hands as you do when you are anxious.

    Health anxiety has ruined my life and many of the people around me, now that I really think I am sick, I hope others here are not going to live with this it is such a wast,

    Peter
    Last edited by Peter_Scott; 27-02-10 at 15:40.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    437

    Re: Scary stuff

    hey dude i think i understand your situation but bare in mind I am no doctor.

    did the doctors say the neurological symptoms were because of the lesion on your brain!? because if they did not maybe it maybe because of the cocaine - if I am not mistaken you mentioned that.

    so the neurological symptoms may just be anxiety

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    159

    Re: Scary stuff

    Quote Originally Posted by randomworry View Post
    hey dude i think i understand your situation but bare in mind I am no doctor.

    did the doctors say the neurological symptoms were because of the lesion on your brain!? because if they did not maybe it maybe because of the cocaine - if I am not mistaken you mentioned that.

    so the neurological symptoms may just be anxiety

    Hi,

    No idea if the symptoms are related to the legion. I have had similar symptoms for a few years now, headaches, numbness, seem very bad at the moment.

    I will be honest with you mate, I don't see any point in going back to the doctors, I have done doctors to death, if it is the legion causing the symptoms well they can not remove it due to location, if it is not I have found that like many health anxiety people the reassurance is only short lived and then it will make me worse. The cocaine the doctors gave me was many years ago, they tried all sorts of drugs, most used for adults and I was only eight years old, I suspect my brain was fried, I was given something called mogadon (sp) and it was horrible.

    Peter

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