hi everyone,I don't really know how to explain how I feel about this worry but I will try.As most of you know I suffer from anxiety which is why I use this site and have done for many years on and off,my husband is supportive but does have moments of complete exasperation with me which I am sure a lot of partners will at some point as anxiety is tiring to live with.I don't think anybody can truly understand the effects of this disorder unless they experience it themselves which brings me to the problem.My husband has joined a blogger site which is just that,a blog that you write when you want to that other members can read and comment on,I think it is important to use these sites sometimes to get things off your chest,just like this one but I read something on his tonight when he had gone to bed by accident and I haven't been able to sleep since.He had left the introduction page open by mistake and I realised he had done a blog yesterday,they say curosity killed the cat and they are damm right,I should not have read it but I did-HUGE MISTAKE!!!.
He wrote that he finds my anxiety terrible to live with.I knew this already to a degree but he really let out his feelings and I was nearly in tears reading it.I have to admit here that we have had soeme terrible rows in the past over it and he has said some very hurtful things at times,as have I and in my temper I have shoved him a few times,punched his arm and one time which I am not proud of nipped his upper arm quite badly.I get very frustrated and it's something I am really ashamed of and will not do again,however he has portrayed me as a right cow in the blog and I feel like he is saying I am a husband batterer.We have a 7 yr old daughter and I must say here that our bickerings have gone on mostly when she has gone to bed and on the whole we have a good marriage.I would say we have a bad argument about once a month something like that, the pinched arm about 3 months ago.I am really worried that folk who read his blog will think I might slap my child if I can slap my husband and report me to the authorities who will think I may harm my child.I would NEVER NEVER lay a finger on her and haven't even smacked her once and she is 7 now.We discipline by telling her where she has gone wrong and explaining the consequences of her actions.sometimes it works sometimes not.She does boss me around a little and I think it's because she knows I am soft with her and will put her needs before mine half the time.I love her dearly and love my husband and would say that my only fault is being hot tempered.I am really worried about this and just hope the people reading his post will see through what he has written and realise that I am not all bad.He has omitted as well that he can be very antogonistic and will throw out some horrible insults sometimes which have hurt me a lot in the past.Can anybody reassure me that everything will be alright and they won't check up on me thinking I am an axe wielding maniac?.
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I really feel for you. I do not think that anyone would think that you harm your child. You need to talk to your husband openly about this though and I think you might need to have some couple counselling in order that you can really discuss this in a neutral non judgemental environment.
