Citalopram Blog - Looking for support!

[Faethra]

Hi everyone!

I just joined the site today, and boy am I glad I did! I must have read half the site and replied to half of the threads dealing with paroxetine and citalopram... lol

My anxiety started two years ago now, and it came on hard and strong. I went for three months denying anti-depressants, but finally agreed to take parox. Worked like a charm for me, though the starting side-effects were kind of scary - but no worse than what I was already feeling.

I came off of the paroxetine at the end of January this year, by pressure from my family. They would truly badger me to tears about it just because my step-aunt had a bad experience with it. I fully intended anti-depressants to be temporary for me anyway, so after a year and a half of being on the drug I came off. I found the "parting" symptoms to be quite entertaining actually. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I had a tendency to lose my balance, drop, or bump into things, but I always managed to make it funny. I found a small dose of caffeine to be helpful in "regaining my body," but tried to stay away from it as much as possible so as not to exacerbate my anxiety.

Well, the past few weeks I've been having some trouble, and because my parents so hate parox, my doctor has put me on citalopram, 20mg. I asked the pharmacist if I should step up onto it, but he said full dose would be fine, that it was a fairly weak dosage anyhow.

DAY 1
Partially bad day, partially side effects. Took the whole 20 mg at 1 PM, felt strong restlessness and panic by 6 PM. Worrying about side-effects made it worse, and I experienced almost the full spectrum of side-effects. Tried to get in contact with my doctor, but was unable to. Came to a spot in the night where I actually felt very well (despite being exhausted), which frightened me for being so sudden. Despite being up and down all night, I slept fairly well.

DAY 2
Today is day 2, and because of the side-effects I've been feeling, I looked for advice. Came here, and am loving what I've found! I only took 10mg today at 1 PM, and around 5:30 I felt a small bout of anxiety and an excited heart rate. This however, passed within ten minutes, and I was able to resume my schoolwork (it's finals week. x_x) My doctor has not called me back about my dosage questions, so I've decided I'm going to take 10mg for 4-8 days before stepping up to my prescribed dosage. However, I'm worried that I'm taking a long-term medication for a short-term panic issue... While I've been good for the most part in this past five months, my intense anxiety has only really started this week, and has reached an unbearable level this past Sunday. Though, I have had "blips" as I've seen them called here since March, and I was only off the meds since the end of January... So maybe I really wasn't ready to be off. Feeling like I'll sleep well tonight, looking forward to going home Thursday, but dreading the moving. :S

[Faethra]

DAY 3

Received a phone call from my mother last night before bed. Had a really good conversation. However, it got me excited and made it hard for me to sleep. lol

Taking small steps with food, and making progress. Still have no appetite (forgot to mention that yesterday), but it's getting better. Today was sunny when it was supposed to rain, so I went for a walk. My graphics critique went well, and I moved most of my stuff home from the dormitories, thus making my job for tomorrow easier.

I feel like I'm looking at things, but not really seeing them. Had a travelling headache for most of the day, at least half of it was probably tension, as I caught myself tensing a lot of my muscles. A little dizzy and unfocused sometimes as well, but mostly good. Now to regain my appetite and energy and I'll be on a good road.

My doctor called me back today. She said she tried my phone number yesterday and it said it was out of service. I'll have to check into that... She confirmed that I'd be fine stepping up to 20mg after a week of 10mg. She said I could try just using 10mg and see if it works for me too, since I felt sluggish on my old 20mg of parox near the end of my treatment. Feeling optimistic! Hoping 10mg will be enough for me, won't know for a while yet though, lol.

[Faethra]

Been a while since I posted... been very busy these past few days.

DAY 4
Today is the day of my most dreaded final. Ate better today, still taking it easy. Studied for my test with my classmate, and I think I did well on it. Felt energetic after moving my stuff home with my mother, though tired and ready to sleep. Had to unpack a few boxes to be able to reach my bed, lol.

DAY 5
I've lost track of time... I need to label my days. Day 5 is Friday? I think so...
Drove back to campus for graduation rehearsal. Also re-printed my graphics project and handed it in. I hate driving a whole hour one-way for such small tasks, but the day went well. Went to eat at a small restaurant for dinner. Had an anxiety attack about my greasy burger, but did alright. Ate it and lived! lol...

DAY 6
Saturday...?
Did some more unpacking today. Went out to my mother's house in the country and helped out with errands out there. Helped my step-father clean his semi-truck (and made a few bucks doing so!) Still anxious about eating some foods, trying to overcome that.

DAY 7
Graduation day! Ceremony went well, and we went out for dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant. It went very well, it was a very good day.

DAY 8 (Monday, May 17th)
Today was as if I were normal. Until dinner time. Had some pizza and ice cream with my older brother. Didn't sit well. Sitting down watching some television, I felt a heart skip or two, and it triggered an anxiety attack. I know I'll be well, but it feels like my insides are jumping up into my throat and as if my breathing were becoming more shallow. I can feel myself tensing. Mother lent me a book called 'The Power of Now,' which I'm sure is helpful, but I'm afraid it will remind me of what I'm going through, and in so doing trigger an anxiety attack. Still trying to calm down... Maybe I will need 20mg... Going to try giving it another week.

[loulabella]

I'm on 10 too Hun. Should be 20 but horrid headaches last time so going slowly. My anxiety was through the roof yesterday!!! I've built up 2.5 for. Few days, 5 then 7.5 now 10. My anxiety etc is quite bad so I'm aiming for 20. Slowly is the answer tho She says shaking as she writes this.

[Faethra]

Yeah, I've heard that increased anxiety is a common side effect. Just trying to keep a tab on my mind and keep it in control here. I started reading the book my Mum gave me yesterday, and came upon a good trick. Be mindful of your thoughts. When you realize that your mind is spiraling and re-iterating stupid fears, call it out. "I'm thinking that again." and then let it go. I don't explain it half as well as the author, but it has been helpful so far. I think I will read more tonight.

How many days have you been on it, if you don't mind my asking?

DAY 9 (Tuesday, May 18th)
Today I would have left to tour Europe if I was feeling well. I'm sad to be staying home, but if I would have gone I would have lost all control of my emotions, I'm sure of it. The performance tour would have stressed me to the max... I'm sure I would have been hovering on silly thoughts the whole week and surely would have felt like I was dying. Besides, if that volcano in Iceland would have blown it's top again I would have been stuck there, and I would not be able to afford that, monetarily or emotionally...

So anyhow, my friends came over to chill today. We watched some movies, played some games, and had a good time. Felt mostly well, though tired. My one friend gets riled up very easily, and I was still exhausted from the waves of anxiety attacks I had yesterday (kept me up for a good amount of the night because I couldn't stop mulling). Had some more this afternoon, around 6:30pm... Felt like my heart was pounding hard, though my pulse was normal. Felt a tickle in my throat, and like a wave of heat passed over my back. I could feel it on the back of my upper arms, all over my back, and the worst on the back of my neck. It may have been a chill, but it burned like a thousand pins nonetheless. Is this normal? I felt it on day 1 too, but not so much since then... I'd wonder if something was wrong with me but that would be silly...

...right?

[RichW]

Hi Faethra

Sounds like you're doing a little better, that's great to hear. I started out on 20mg and I thought that was the normal starting dose, had I known 10mg was an option then I most definitely would have opted for that. My side effects were nothing short of nightmarish and I'm so glad that's well and truly in the past. All I can say is to stick with it, the side effects will pass (took 3 weeks for mine to die down but they did) and you will start to feel better. I'm 11 weeks in and back to normal. Couldn't be without my beloved Citalopram now. Still have a bit of trouble with sleep though, I seem to wake up after aout 5 hours and then just lie there - oh well if that's the price I have to pay then so be it.

Chin up, stay strong and never lose focus. You'd be surprised just how much of a battering your brain can take, I know I was.


Rich

[loulabella]

Hey hunni.... I've been on it about 2 weeks now but only a little while on 10... My anxiety is really bad, worse than before starting it. Saw my doc this morning as I'm going through the 'I cant take this anymore' stage... I also know that 10mg is prob too low a dose to combat my anxiety - have taken 40mg before for depression and never experienced any of this. I am having to suplement with more diazepam. I've been on the stuff for month and I feel that now is the time to be getting off it, not on it. She seems to think once the SSRI settles then we worry about coming off the diazepam.

You seem to be doing really well hun, and as you will prob say to me - stick at it. It should sort things out for us in time. It's just hell we have to get worse before we get better! x

[Faethra]

*hugs to both of you!* I do seem to be better off than a number of other people, which makes me happy and sad. It makes me feel bad to know that it can be much worse and that there are others who seem to have no end to the suffering... I wish you all the best! I'll keep you in my prayers, Lou~ <3

DAY 10 (Wednesday, May 19th)
Today was pretty good. My brother lost his cat, so I stayed at his house for the day to wait for Mr. Kitty (Sassafrass - and appropriately named!) while my brother went to his doctor's appointment and ran some errands. The cat hates me and is completely neurotic, so I couldn't go out and look for him or he'd run away again, so I played Oblivion on my brother's PS3 until he came home. I can tell I'm gaining control again, because I could go to the plain of Oblivion and close gates without having so much as a second thought.
One heart skip today. A few times were I might have had an attack but successfully talked myself away from them!

DAY 11 (Thursday, May 20th)
Finally got to start on my housework today! lol... However, I think I may have allergies that I don't know about. I got into some dust in the basement or something and breathing began to feel funny. Took an allergy pill and it settled (mostly), but I had two heart skips in the early evening. Made some yummy stir fry for dinner and just finished putting everything away. All of our refrigerated food is in the basement right now... our upstairs refrigerator died. Getting a new one tomorrow. Exhausted now... Still have to go for my walk. Supposed to drag my Mum with me, hopefully she doesn't fall asleep or I'll have a cranky Mum dragging her heels beside me.

If the tickle in my throat would go away that would be awesome! lol...

[RichW]

Hi Faethra

I used Atarax aka Vistaril which is a 1st generation antihistamine used as a pre and post op sedative and more importantly is also used in the treatment of Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I took it before going to bed as I was having sleep disturbances when first starting Citalopram. This antihistamine which is non-habit forming (it gave me great peace of mind to know that) not only helped me to regain my sleep but also got rid of any hayfever or allergies. You may wish to research this here http://www.medicinenet.com/hydroxyzine/article.htm . Just 25mg did the trick for me and as I say, you might well wish to take it at night because it is sedating (mmmmm, nice).

All the best


Rich

[Faethra]

Hee hee yes, my doctor did tell me that antihistimines would help with anxiety issues if I didn't have a med like alprazolam around, though the antihistimine would take longer to take effect. I will look more into which specific ones do which, I had never thought of that!

DAY 12 (Friday, May 21)
Today was good! Rainy day, so I didn't go out for my walk (sadface). Got the new refrigerator today! Mum came home early from work to meet the movers of the thing, which went quick, so we went for lunch. Horrible... McDonald's... ew... but it was a small outing, hee hee.
Perhaps I didn't get enough sleep last night because I felt funny for most of the day, as if I was just a few moments from a heart skip. Tickle in my throat, shallow feeling in my chest, you know how that is, right? Did have a couple of skips today. I think three in total, but none of them was particularly strong. Got up and stretched and it seemed to get better. I think I have a tendency to squeeze my chest and prevent myself from breathing correctly along with tensing up all my other muscles. :S
Friend is making some drama... She wanted to hang out today, but Mom wanted to hang out today so I told her no. Oh facebook drama... Wish she would just chill sometimes. :x

PS- My appetite is back with a vengeance! I'm hungry so often... I really should not need to eat this much! It happened before with my parox, and I gained nearly 25 pounds at that time and still haven't lost it all. Any tips on killing the extra appetite?