Going mad, please help!

[StressedEric]

I posted a thread in Health Anxiety regarding my problems but think now they may relate to the Citalopram I am taking.

It is the start of my 6th week on Cit. 20mg. At the beginning I coped with side effects (like no taste, sensitive toungue, upset stomach etc.) which have cleared up now. Haven't been sleeping more than 2 or 3hrs a night since a week before starting on Cit until now.

From the 4th week til now I've had new problems which have got gradually worse. Feel very deattached from reality, my anxeity has slowly increased to the point that I feel tremors in my arms nearly all the time.

I feel very low, frightened to be alone. I am constantly worrying and can't shake out of it. My memory is terrible and usually familiar surroundings and people feel strangely foreign. It is difficult even watching TV sometimes, its like my brain can't cope.

My family has been very supportive but I sense that they are getting fed up of me compaining about how I feel. This makes me feel a lot worse! I live alone which doesn't help.

Been to GP a number of times and they said stick with the drug and that it "can get worse before it gets better" but I am now frightened that it is making me feel so ill that the drug could be damaging my brain so that I'll never recover.

Don't know if I should just still persevere with 20mg Cit in the hope that I will recover, increase the dose (which may make the anxiety worse!) or come off Cit altogether. I don't think I can cope with it getting any worse or staying like this long term.

Before taking Cit I had high anxiety for about 2 months and had lost my emotions towards the end of this which I think was a symptom of depression but my head was a lot clearer than it is now.

I know it is difficult to give advice when the symptoms could be the illness itself but feel so trapped and scared now so just really need any reassurance and advice on what I should do.

[JT69]

Hi Eric,

Sorry you are having such a bad time of it with the citalopram. I think it is probably a mixture of the anxiey and the side effects of the citalopram. This medication is brilliant when it starts working but unfortunately the side effects can be quite distressing and cause you to question the meds.

I think you need to give it a little bit longer if you can, but perhaps go and have a chat with your GP about something to help until the meds kick in I used diazepam for a short time along with zopiclone to help me sleep.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will start to feel better it just takes a bit of time...and I know from my own experiences in the past its not very nice when you are feeling as you are, but all you describe I have experienced too, so its quite normal.

There are lots of people on here taking citalopram so you should get lots of support. For me this last period of depression/anxeity i had I had to change meds and am now taking mirtazipine but did take citalopram for around 9 years on and off so got pretty used to it and how it effects you.

Hope you feel better soon.
Take care.
Jo.xx

[StressedEric]

Many Thanks for your reassurance and advice Jo which has definitely helped.

Just need to try to keep reminding myself even though it very difficult at the moment that I won't be like this forever and that there are other people who have experienced (or experiencing) the same side effects or feelings as me and have gone onto get better.

I'll try and see doc next week about the posibility of taking some other meds like the ones you mentioned to see if they help me sleep and get through the difficult times.


Thanks again.

[Raindog]

Hi Eric,
As Jo suggested, go talk to your GP and give him the rundown on how you're going with the Cit. It seems it starts taking effect for some people in the first few weeks while others need to wait a while longer. My first week on Cit was not pleasant as it increased my anxiety to the point where I had a frightening panic attack, but fortunately that seemed to be pretty much it as within a few days I was feeling much more level.

It's worth reading PsychoPoet's Survival Guide, stickied at the top of the Cit forum, it has plenty of info and might give you an idea of how to approach your GP too.

Hope to hear you're levelling out soon, better days Eric.

[saltydawg]

I too am having terrible side effects from the drug, but want to stick it out as I have been assured by people on here it works realy well when it kicks in. Stick with it mate, we're here to help each other when things get tough

[StressedEric]

Thanks Saltydawg and Raindog for the advice. So glad I found this forum everyone is so supportive.

I'll try and stick it out a bit longer. What scared me the most is that the weird deattachment problem is continuous all day and started from week 4 and is still the same now even through I am in week 6.

It seems to get worse when I try to do too much at once, it's like my brain shuts down and I can't think at all. Todayis an example where I've been running about doing things around the house. Just have to take it slow for a while!

BTW: My username StressedEric is from a cartoon which appeared on TV a while ago. It seemed very apt for me at the time of joining but realised now maybe the wrong choice as people rightly assume that Eric is my real name.

Cheers again for the support.

[StressedEric]

Haven't got doc appointment yet cos the bank holiday on Monday

Doesn't seem to be getting better yet I'm afraid. It's worse in morning after getting up where I have a job remembering where I am for over an hour! It wasn't this bad a couple of weeks ago.

I'll continue to bear it for now but it will be end of 6th week on Friday and still feel like a zombie.

Should this bad confusion, bad memory, drunkiness etc, be this continuous all day, day after day? I know people suffer from the same effects but shouldn't it fade away a bit by now after 6 weeks at least later in day (as I take Cit in morning around 11am) so at least I have episodes of feeling at least a bit normal?

Gonna try to get emergency GP appointment tomorrow.

[Faethra]

Hi Eric!

Firstly, 20mg of cit will NOT damage your brain. Just so you know and can stop worrying about it. :P

I understand what you mean by detachment. When I begin to get anxious and slip into a panic attack, I feel exactly the same way. Everything I know, even if I'm walking the same route from home to class or work as I do all the time, it will feel completely foreign and I will not recognize a thing. It's frightening, but I've realized that even when I'm in this state that deep in my mind I still know what I'm doing. I may not recognize a single house on the road I'm driving, but I still know I need to follow it for another hour, or make that turn after the bend. I may not remember what time it is or whether I have class, but I remember that I had planned to attend it, so I follow my feet to class. If they're really bad, I stop and get a drink of water, just to upset the routine a bit and shake myself out of it. It's like falling asleep on your feet, I find. :P

The fact that they continue like this may be simply because of your stress about it. You dwell on the sensation and so it endures. On the other hand, I would not recommend canceling your appointment with your GP just on my advice. xP If it truly is that bad it is important to bring it to your doctor's attention.

I wish you the best of luck, Eric. Just take a breath and realize that you're going to be okay, I think it should help quite a bit. We're here for you and will listen to the end of the earth.

[StressedEric]

Cheers Faethra. Will try and not to worry too much. I've been focusing on other things like going out more and doing more stuff around the house which has helped a bit. Think I've got a fair bit to go before back to 'normal' though.

Have periods where my thoughts are a little clearer but quickly slip back into 'zombie' mode. Hoping it will get easier as time goes on. Mornings are still the worst.

Had appointment letter for an MRI scan today booked for Monday aftenoon so this will highlight if there is anything going wrong inside my head. It's more of a reassurance thing really.

Hopefully everything will be ok (fingers crossed).

[Raindog]

Keep going mate, you'll get there, it's tough and we've all been through this waiting for the meds to take that horrible desperation away so you aren't alone.

I've used this analogy with a couple of other people here on the forum, your brain is a warzone with the Citalopram and the anxiety fighting over control, the anxiety knows it's fighting for it's life so is pulling out all the stops to keep it's hold on you, the moment it makes a wrong move the Cit will have found the right way to give you that space you need to feel like you can manage things again and the anxiety won't have such a strong hold, it may take a while to go completely, but once you get that first good day you'll feel like you can deal with the rest and be able to carry on.

Keep it together and find things that keep you occupied like you have been, better days for you.