Hello everyone- I've just joined the forum and have been amazed by the level of support and empathy that everyone gives to each other. I wish I'd joined sooner.
I'm currently having a bad time with depression. I've struggled with depression\anxiety for 20 years, but have found that a combination of venlafaxine\CBT really helped. The latest bout started last September- I'd just started a new job on promotion + had found out my wife was pregnant. I've always found starting new jobs hard, so I was struggling even before the news of the baby. Whilst I was overjoyed about us finally having a child (were in our late 30's) I began to look at all the things that I didn't like about myself in terms of been a father, and I panicked. We then lost our little boy at 12 weeks, which was awful, but we decided to try again in the new year.
Fortunately, my wife got pregnant again in January, and is now at 24 weeks and everything is fine with the baby. Problem is I keep having anxiety attacks about coping as a dad and doing my job. I was off for a week after the 12 week scan, and have now been off for 3 weeks since the 20 week scan. Since September, my mood has progressively gone downhill despite taking venlafaxine (150 mg) and going to CBT. Upshot is that I saw a pyschiatrist last week who suggested I increase the venlfaxine to 225 mg. I've been on 187.5 since last friday, and have really struggled over the past few days- feel v.anxious and lethargic.
All this is causing real problems with my wife. She's suffered from depression in the past and has reached the point where she realises its all about accepting who you are, which is brilliant, and i admire her strength in getting to this point. She thinks I should stop taking the venlafaxine and doing CBT- her view is I need to rely upon myself rather than looking for fixes elsewhere....
I love her to bits, and realise that I can be difficult to live with, but I just don't agree with her 'tough love' approach. I totally accept that ultimately, the only way through depression is to accept and 'own' who we are, and I really do feel that I'm starting to understand finally what that involves. But I don't want to stop the meds\CBT, as I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to cope with the feelings of helplessness. I don't want to give up on life, as I do know at some level I've got a lot to live for. But I do feel lost at the moment.
Sorry this is so long- just helps to write it down and express how I feel.
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to NMP Nick. You have been through a great deal. Congratulations and best wishes to you both on the forthcoming baby. There is no right or wrong answer with the meds as we are all different in the way depression affects us, and to what degree. Trust your instincts on this. Meds certainly helped me during the first months of my breakdown two years ago, and recovery from panic anxiety. You will have realised from CBT though that the way we think can be changed and that it is possible for some here to get by without meds and others like me required a combination. A baby is a life changing event and it is natural that you will both look inside yourself as every parent does and ask if you are up to the task. The fact that you feel the need to do this is what will make you a good parent
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