Can anyone else relate to this?

[moomintroll]

Will try to keep this short and uncomplicated!!

A year ago this month (or so!) I suddenly without warning got severe anxiety/depression...more depression in the end but started with anxiety. I have no idea what kick started it but it was put down by the doc as a reactive depression due to bullying at work and various other stresses. Now strangely, it all started when I was stood in my boyfriend's (now ex boyfriend - as mentioned in Virtual Hugs!) kitchen and I suddenly felt very low and depressed, I panicked and it then spiralled completely out of control, with me thinking I had gone off him and didn't love him anymore etc. It was almost as if my mind was telling me I needed to end the relationship and that I was trapped etc etc. I then started to feel completely numb and was doubting everything about me/my life/my feelings, even my sexuality! Anyway, I started taking Citalopram in Jan and slowly but surely I became me again, and all my 'normal' feelings returned (ironic really given that my relationship has now ended anyway!).

This is where I am starting to worry now..Now that I am single again, the thought suddenly popped into my head the other night that I am getting that way again, because there is a guy who is chatting to me (used to know from school many years ago) and I almost feel repulsed/trapped because he is coming on quite strong, but at the same time I like him (just attraction). I am in no way wanting a relationship as I am hurting desperately and missing my ex of 3.5 years - it has only been a month since the break up.

I suppose my question is, is it normal to feel this way given that I have just split up with ex, or it the depression that gives me those feelings of 'I feel trapped/need to get away from this relationship (or in this case just person who is chatting me up!). When I don't think about it I don't feel so bad, but then I start thinking I am going to feel the same way again as I did last year, and then I start feeling these feelings again. Am now worried the Citalopram are stopping working due to my relationship breakdown.

Sorry, I know this post isn't particularly coherent - I am finding it difficult to explain the feelings I had/have!

[ElizabethJane]

Hi Moomintroll. I think that the feelings that you describe ie repulsed/trapped by a potential new boyfriend are natural, normal emotions especially as you have been badly hurt. Depression can make us feel like outsiders. Maybe you are just not ready for any sort of relationship at the moment. Could you see this guy with the understanding that there would be no sort of commitment? I guess that you are eons younger than me but if it were me I would quite like this guy to take me out or go for a coffee and that would be it? So long as you are both aware of the boundaries and this is what the new guy wants too? You can call the shots? Depression can really erode your confidence so well done for going out and meeting someone again. EJ.