Hey Ben,
I know exactly what you are going through. When it first started happening to me I wanted to die because I thought it was the only way I could get rid of the part of my brain that was throwing these things up.

Well..I can tell you I've just had a baby girl, she's 8weeks and she's gorgeous. I love her to bits but unfortunately the thoughts get me sometimes when I am giving baby a bath or doing a nappy. Its utterly horrible but I keep telling myself that thoughts are NOT actions. It does seem horribly real when the thought comes in but I tell you what I do...I hug my baby closer, kiss her face and tell the thought to get stuffed. You know you are not a paedophile, if you were you wouldn't be telling everyone about your thoughts! You wouldn't be on panic websites, you would not feel distressed...I know it's hard to remember this when a thought comes over you...I know how panicked I got only this morning....I just hugged my baby close and although I felt horrible for a few minutes eventually it passed and she fell asleep on me for an hour and it was lovely.

I love my baby so much and am totally gutted that this happens to me. The psychiatric people basically told me to go home and deal with it myself with the help of friends and family (it's best to tell people even though it is hard to do) so I'm feeling a bit like it's never going to get better but I have another docs appointment this afternoon so I'm going to ask him about cognitive behavioural therapy or just see if he has any suggestions.

Who knows why we suffer such horrific afflictions of the mind eh?

But at least you know you are not alone Ben. Hope this helps.

Runner Bean xxx