Hi,

Phew...it's taken me a while to build up the courage to post on here, so here goes:

I'm 31 and have always been a worrier (never before about my health though). I have had pain in my left breast for years and had been to the docs a couple of times expressing my concern, each time to be told that it's hormonal and nothing to worry about.

Approx. 3 months ago I went back as the pain had got worse and was starting to affect my right breast and also my armpits and sides (affecting things like stretching or reaching for something, hugging somebody or lying on my front)-the doc had a feel around and found a small lump in my left breast (queue panic stations!!). This extra pain coincided with an extremely stressful time at work. My doc referred me to a breast specialist (I'm lucky enough to have BUPA, so it's all been done in a private hospital).

To cut a long story short, I've not had about 5 breast exams by my consultant, countless biopsies and two ultrasounds, the last of which was yesterday. Everything has come back clear and, common sense dictates that, I should be massively relieved. However, I cannot stop worrying and keep asking myself "what if they've missed something?".

Today's worry is that the radiologist didn't scan over a particular area of my armpit, despite her asking me where it was painful. I know that she would have done, otherwise she wouldn't have asked, but as I can't specifically remember (everything merges into a big blur at the moment) I can't stop worrying.

In my heart of hearts I know that I could have 100 ultrasounds and examinations, and I'd still find something to focus my worry on. This is so hard to explain in words...my family and friends have been amazing and have put up with my anxiousness over the past 12+ weeks, but I'm conscious that they are starting to get annoyed with me and I feel like I'm going insane!

I've been put on Propanolol (10mg 3 x a day) and its been recommended that I get some CBT councelling (which I shall be doing when funds permit). At present it feels like this will NEVER end. I don't feel like I'm living at the moment...it's as if I'm going through the motions in my own little bubble. I can't sleep properly, have no appetite and can't enjoy anything.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this. I guess some advice in how to break this cycle and some reassurance that I'm not the only one going through this. Has anyone else had similar worries and if so, does this ever end!?!

All I can think of at the minute is calling the hospital to get ANOTHER ultrasound...but I'm reluctant to do so as it feels like giving in to my 'anxious head' and I know that even if I did go for a re-scan I'd come out and start worrying about a different area (I know this from the appointments I've already had, where I go about a particular worry and come out with a new one!).

Sorry to ramble...think I just needed to write that all down...my 'non anxious head' realizes how silly it all sounds....anyone else feel like they have 2 heads that constantly argue with each other!?!