I've hit a new low, as bad as I've ever been. Up to now I have been managing to keep going to work even though I've been anxious every day. But its just getting too much, I'm starting to think what is the point, I have nothing in my life because anxiety has ruined it all.

I'm self employed and today I've cancelled my jobs, I can't face it. Last night I went to my evening class and nearly had a complete meltdown in the class. Its got the point where I can't even do anything because of the anxiety.

I'm doing things that are suggested, yes I have accepted that I have anxiety, yes I am trying to go out, keep working, facing my fears, but when I keep having these feelings despite me carrying on.

I don't feel like I can live a normal life, I've struggled with this for so many years now, I am also becoming a worry for my parents and siblings. They are very supportive but I feel so sorry for putting them through this.

I'm taking Citalopram and I'm waiting for CBT, but the way I feel right now is that I can't see any hope for me. I'm going to phone IAPT this morning to see if I can speed up my CBT otherwise I am going to have to seek help elsewhere. I've been having suicidal thoughts again, because I am struggling to see a future for me without feeling so lost, and anxious.

Sorry for such a depressing post but I feel so lost.