Hi again

I always seem to be pondering about things.

I know that my health anxiety is about me being scared of dying, not the illness itself if you know what I mean.

I don't seem to be able to accept that we are all going to die one day. I honestly, make myself believe that at some point in my life time there will be a life longing pill or something like that. I have spent too many nights crying and wondering what is the meaning of us being here and why are we meant to have these loving relationships with people just for it to become nothing? I am agnostic btw, I would love nothing more than to believe in a higher being and a heaven but feel I don't have enough evidence that that exists to convince myself.

I also get scared of nuclear war or an asteroid hitting us - hence don't read about anything related to those things ever! Anyone else have this?

Hope you all have a good evening