I'm sorry for this long message but I have to speak to someone. I'm 42 married and have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and social phobia all my life. I had one bout of cognitive therapy at 24. I try n avoid the docs. im on paroxetine but a low dose because even taking meds makes me anxious too! My repeated further therapy has been privately funded. I have not worked since I was 20, just the odd cleaning jobs for friends n generally scratching a living. My ex paid for everything. I'm now remarried and my hubby has a shop attached to our home. I worked in it for a while but I just can't cope so he said stop, just do the housework and don't worry . I'm not stupid, I'm very sociably, hard working, come across as happy but it's wearing me down now. I'm always skint, he adores me but resents the fact everything financially is on his shoulders. I have never claimed any benefits but I think I need to try. This terrifies me!!!!! I'm perfectly (physically) capable of working but how do I explain how I just can't cope some days, other days I can, I can explode into panic by the strangest thing! I'm sick to death of having to ask for five pounds to buy socks. To pay for a lipstick or bread! It's killing me having nothing of my own. He drives me everywhere so my life revolves around his availability to take me food shopping or walk the dogs. I go out once a month for a coffee with a friend. That's my life. Please help me with some advise. I see my life ahead of me as just cleaning the house for hrs each day so my husband thinks I look productive n not just sitting around doing nothing while behind the door he's working his arse off. Putting my hand out for housekeeping n feeling guilty. If he kicked me out I would probably top myself because just everything normal like shopping, even banking n looking for a job is to much for me. Let alone being alone! God my life's shit lol. The annoying thing is im a very jolly person to those who know me they have no idea what's going on in my head. I have no sense of worth anymore n I need financial help now I just can't do this anymore.

---------- Post added at 08:38 ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 ----------

My husband earns good money I expect ill not be able to get any help anyway though. I just don't know what to do.