Hi,

I'm at the end of my tether and really really could use some advice.

I am petrified of cancer or other serious illnesses and ultimately death. I can't remember when or even why it all started but gradually over the past 2 years I have become more and more worried about having cancer, I feel as if I am in pain all the time and I am just convinced I have cancer (I suffer chest pains with thundering jumpy heart beat / palpatations and shooting pain in my left arm all the time and also feel convinced I am going to have a heart attack or stroke) I worry about other illnesses as well but I fixate on cancer and have at some point or another diagnosed myself with every cancer you could think of, I have been to the doctors but of course I am told I am fine and that it is anxiety.

My trouble is this, I just cannot accept this and my fear is now taking over my life it's not an occasional thought anymore it feels like a continuous thought where not a minute passes where I am not thinking about dying. I cry everyday as I am terrified of not being there for my daughters, I make plans of all the things I would need to teach their dad like how to do their hair, and choose their clothes and letters I would need to write to them.

I am worrying that I have cancer that is spreading and getting worse by the day because no one is taking me seriously and by the time they all realise I was right it will be too late... When I am feeling 'rational' I tell myself this is a phobia but even then, even as I write this I am thinking to myself what if it's not, what if i'm right?

Its reached the point where I have to change the channel if a cancer related advert comes on the tv, I stop watching a favourite show or movie if the storyline become cancer beased, I've been halfway through books and have to stop reading them if a character develops cancer, I can't bare to even hear the word or hear someone speak of it. I am constantly on google checking symptoms and getting myself worked up into such a state, I feel affraid to be happy, or relax because I don't want to tempt fate, I cant look forward to something like a family holiday or birthday or christmas because I am always convinced I wont live long enough to go...

I'm not living anymore the anxiety is seeping out into other areas of my life i've lost all my self confidence, I have an extremely low opinion of myself, simple things like cooking a meal now totally overwhelm me, I feel paranoid, useless, ugly and stupid and very depressed I'm convinced my partner is going to cheat on me and leave me because of the way I am, and I am so terrified of being alone ... I don't know what to do I just want to be the old happy go lucky me again and I feel like she is lost forever and I will never stop being like this please can someone help
steph xxx