Hi

This morning was really hard. The scenario was shall I or shall I not go to the supermarket on my own. I only had to get two loafs of bread and milk but it also involved driving my car alone.

Eventually I came to the conclusion I had to do it. The supermarket was full of parents/kids getting school uniform. I did do it and managed to get out in one piece. What I cant understand is why I felt once back home, it was such a small thing to do, especially compared to what I could do eight months ago.

My book from Amazon finally arrived (Self help for your nerves). I remember reading it 16 years ago but obviously I need to re-read it, Claire Weekes does make sense in many ways. It is putting things into practice I guess.

I hit bottom again when my neighbour said how well I was looking and asked how much weight had I put on! I said something like 1 1/2 stone (which is probably right, if not more). I dont get on scales anymore as they will send me into a PA straight away. What I dont know cont hurt me.

Apart from my car journey and supermarket visit I have done little else. My muscles have tensed up, especially in my arms and back and I felt completely exhausted and unable to take deep breaths.

I guess I am so impatient, I want to feel better now. Our son starts school at 9.00am next week and my appointment with the CMHT worker is at 10.00am. I am not looking forward to this but I need referral to some form of therapy that will propel me forward.

Has anyone got any suggestions about what I ought to ask (or insist on) when I see the CMHT worker. My husband is coming with me this time as I do not want to be fobbed off with "keep taking a walk at night and you will soon feel better" (that was over three months ago).

Anyway, that is my news and progress today (so far).

Take good care of yourselves and each other.

Love Fran XX