Hey all,

Recently I had a mental breakdown. On the verge of suicide. Rushed to hospital because of depression and actively participating in attempting to kill myself etc etc. The anxiety and depression got far too much for me. I now have a mental health team who visit me every other day, and with plans to start 1-2-1 therapy once the home team have finished up.

Since my mental breakdown I have been doing fine this past week taking my Citalopram and Lorazepam. The Lorazepam chills me the hell out, but allows me to function, and I don't get any side effects from the 40mg of Citalopram as I've been on them a while now.

But, the doctor has prescribed pregabalin which he plans to keep me on and take me off the lorazepam. He said the lorazepam is short term use only. I am in total disagreement with him here because I've spoken to a number of people who have been taking them years. Yes, granted they are probably dependant on them both physically and mentally, but they take them daily to maintain a balance and function in life - and it works!

I discussed this with my doctor who said it wasn't ideal to keep me on them.

I have explained I struggle to swallow tablets, and the Citalopram and Lorazepam are both very small. But the pregabalin is huge and I've choked and vomited on them every time I've taken them. He wants to try and get me a liquid form.

I just feel it's pointless. The lorazepam works. I don't care about the physical addiction to them, because they make me feel so normal.

I don't get why some doctors are happy to keep patients on lorazepam, and others not.

The pregabalin is pointless, because I can't take them. I don't want to try other meds when I have a working combination here. So I'd rather stay on them until I've gone through my 1-2-1 therapy, and then when I've learnt to cope I'd rather come off the lorazepam and remain on Citalopram.

What is so wrong with this?

I just feel like if he's going to take me off them I'll end up buying them illegally because this is the best I have ever felt in the 12 years of battling anxiety and depression. I feel without this "normal" feeling I am just going to slip backwards again, as has happened many times in the past.

Any advice or help here?