My main and pretty much only intrusive thought is when I'm high up I have a massive urge to jump which sets me in to panic and makes me extremely uncomfortable. Ive avoided places like this for months as I dontvwanna feel that awful feeling but my therapist says I need to start trying to expose myself to it

So my mum booked cinema and omg it was a vip tier looking over the edge. Needless to say this was hell but ingot through it trying my hardest to ignore the urge.

Ive been so proud since that ive done it despite almost leaving as it got too much up until 10 mins ago. I was sat on my sofa and I imagined myself back there and had the same horrible thought and urge despite not being there.

But whats worried me is. Ive then thought well if I just jumped I'd have so much relief! And my god ive just had a massive panic attack over it as now I'm paranoid im not in control and im suicidle !! Has anyone had this thought process? I scared I'll never get over this heights thing :(