Hi everyone,
I posted on here a few weeks ago about my health anxiety. Since then it has rocketed out in to space. I thought I felt bad then but the last few weeks have been so difficult.

THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION
I was GOOGLING I know, I know...... I just happened to see this illness, I wasn't even looking this up and then BAM. I recognised one of my symptoms as the same on that list. I was obsessed and in such a state. I kept googling and having more panic attacks. It spiralled out of control, my husband went to work one evening and I phoned him up screaming and crying to come home. He cant he's the boss. I spent the whole night awake crying and in a panic. I went back to my doctor and i then ended up having a emergency endoscopy because I was it such a state(I did have a few other symptoms as well that the doctor wasn't happy about) Looking back on it now I feel embarrassed and ashamed but I just couldn't help it.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, its gone on to long, ive had CBT and medication but I just cant seem to shake this. My husband has said that if I behave like that again he might not be around much longer I just cant help it how much I try. I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS. I moved away from the uk and I don't really have many friends and no family here and I feel so alone right now. LOST/TRAPPED.

I went back to the phyciatrist yesterday. Im back on medication, took my first last night. Woke up in a terrible mood and very anxious. I know about the side effects of the medication but I was just hoping to wake up and feel brilliant. NO SUCH LUCK. I watch the TV and people in the street and wonder what it feels like to be happy and smile like them.