Can you imagine us on a zen Buddhist retreat?!

What I meant about identity was that schizophrenic and bipolar people frequently dislike taking their medication because it makes them feel "flat", like they've lost their personality. Does that make sense? The mental illness kind of framed their way of thinking and they miss it because it's familiar, it's part of their identity. I'm feeling that way about my anxiety - my medication reduces my anxiety, but I don't feel like ME without my anxiety. It has always played such a big role in how I think and act, and now I just feel empty. Just don't feel myself right now.

When I say anxiety, I mean the excessive worrying and thoughts. Panic is the really intense version that has physical symptoms and makes me feel like I'm really truly losing my mind or dying right that second. I should clarify - I do NOT miss panic. If I could never feel panic again in my whole life, that would be fantastic. But my anxious thoughts, such as "I must turn in perfect essays" or "I need to accomplish things to please my parents", they are unpleasant but have made me achieve things. Do you get what I mean?

I completely agree that it's so cruel that our minds have developed a dilemma and a fear too great for us to solve. The thoughts, as you say, are not the problem. It would be nice to think philosophical thoughts and ponder the meaning of life were it not for the overwhelming fear that comes with it. I guess that's why I'm hoping the medication will work - that it will reduce the anxiety and I can stop fearing these thoughts and eventually I will stop thinking about it all the time. I just dream of a normal life with normal thoughts...