My name is nicole. I am 37, will be 38 next month. My name here, stressed 32, is because I was 32 when this whole nightmare began. I come here from time to time and rarely post. I am more of a lurker. I go through spurts where I come more than others. I just wanted to vent! I HATE THIS FRICKEN DISEASE!

I think my journey started with a real health issue. I had an ectopic pregnancy and found myself away from my husband, so dealt with it alone. From there, a host of real health issues dealing with fertility led me to a distrust in doctors and tests.

Isn't that the perfect recipe for health anxiety? Add in a childhood where I vividly remember my grandmother always being ill, and here I land.

I am 37 and I have...in my mind...have had:

Lung cancer- currently have it a 2nd time now
Pancreatic cancer
liver disease
breast cancer...twice
brain tumor...twice
lymphoma...twice!
vaginal cancer
skin cancer
HIV
heart disease
MS

and sometimes I get multiple diseases at once. Currently, thanks to a pulled muscle in my shoulder, I have lung cancer AND Lymphoma.

I hate this disease. I am so sick of feeling this way. When does it end? I have done CBT and it did help, but the thoughts creep back in. I have changed my diet, again, they creep back in. Is this hormones or am I destined to be this way forever? I feel like it is robbing me of my life and enjoying my children!