Hi all,

I'm Carla, I'm 25 and am currently suffering from anxiety, possibly triggered by post traumatic stress.

On 29th January 2005, I was just over 20 weeks pregnant with identical twin girls. I had been very very poorly with a water infection, and had been laid up in bed for about 3 days, but I had started to feel better, and was up and about at home with my parents. My partner was away on business.

I started to feel like I had very bad constipation, but soon realised I was actually going into labour. My parents had called the hospital and were getting a bag together for me, whilst I was on all fours on my bed, trying desperately not to push. All of a sudden, I felt a huge pushing sensation, that I couldnt control, and something came gushing out of me. I screamed, and realised my waters had broken. In that split second, my life was turned completely upside down, and nothing has been the same since.

I got to the hospital, but it was too late. Grace was born first, alive but far too small to live. Joni followed later, she had died in the womb.

Obviously the past (nearly) 2 years have been very hard, as I am still grieving, and I have had small bouts of social anxiety. However 5 weeks ago, I got ill with a water infection again, and began to get this pushing down feeling inside. Since then, I have practically lived at the doctors, I am convinced my insides are going to fall out, the same way as I lost the twins.

I have lost faith in my health and in the medical profession, I now know that sometimes emergencies can happen, in a split second, and that frightens me.

I lost my job last Wednesday, due to taking too much time off (3 weeks). I am very snappy and irritable, and sometimes it takes alot to leave the house.

I also am scared of being anywhere without a toilet, as I need to wee so much!

I need to get myself out of this rut, as I cannot see in to the future and have missed out on o many social events recently, I am worried I am going to lose my partner and friends soon.

Thanks for listening.

Carla