I'm new to this board. I'm writing this because I feel like I haven't got the strength to carry on. I can't talk to anyone because I have a social phobia and find it impossible to speak. I've been feeling increasing depressed and have been hitting myself as a way of trying to cope with the mental pain I'm feeling but that just makes me feel more of a freak. I've had social phobia since the age of 12 (I'm now 35) and I've isolated myself from everyone because I can't cope with socialising. There was someone who cared about me and understood a long time ago but I've even made her hate me now. I feel selfish and guilty for thinking about killing myself because I know its the coward's way out but I can't see anything in the future except more hurting and I don't think I can take it anymore.