I am new to this site. I joined because I could really do with some support.

I have struggled with anxiety for years, but I now have the worst depression I have ever experienced. I am often suicidal, and struggle to deal with overwhelming feelings of guilt that I am not good enough, and am a bad Mum.

I have tried lots of meds over the years with little success. I am doing psychodynamic therapy , which is difficult as it means talking about my very difficult childhood.

I am not coping with thoughts of Christmas next week . I feel on the verge of tears most of the time , and know I will really struggle with trying to create a happy Christmas for my family. My son is autistic, and picks up on my mood instantly. This puts even more pressure on me, as I know if I am upset, he is too.

Its a battle in my head . I've been like this for so long, it feels like I don't have a future.

Sorry for the depressing post, but just needed to reach out.