Hello

This is my first time on the forums. I am nervous about posting but also relieved too as I can't keep living like this without support.

To give some context. 5 years ago my little girl has an anaphylactic reaction: she was ok but since then I have suffered from tremors in my legs from time to time. Initially I panicked and started to believe I had some sort of nureological condition. I've realised that if I breath properly I can often stop them from happening. They are also more prominent when I am stressed or anxious about anything. Even if I am not aware of feeling stressed - so in difficult work situations where I wel under pressure but ok? Does that make sense?

3 years ago I had my second child and shortly after I believe I started to suffer from anxiety. I think I had since my oldest child was poorly with her allergies but it hadn't been so obvious. It was there but I couldn't have labelled it. But after A was born I felt more and more anxious and one day I had, what I now believe was, a huge panic attack. I had palpitations, was sweaty, felt sick and thought I was going to pass out. My husband took me to the GP as we were nearby and all symptoms stopped in the waiting room. Literally stopped. My GP checked me over and said everything seemed normal. Since then I have had palpitations occasionally and they can usually always be linked to anxious times - not always full on anxiety but normal stresses of life. I can feel I am coping but get palpitations. So like the leg tremors, in difficult situations or situations which are a little bit nervy - like in work, which I love - I have a difficult job but I think I am quite good at it and handle it well but I get symptoms of anxiety during particularly stressful times even when I don't feel worried.

20 months ago my little girl suffered from a brain haemorrhage. To say it was the worst time of my life would be an understatement. She had surgery and survived and has been given the all clear now. During her time in hospital I experienced no palpitations, no leg tremors, no obvious feelings of anxiety. I was terrified of course but I coped without feeling these feelings. But once we were home and things settled down I started to notice the feelings once more - when my husband worked away for the first time since my little girl was ill in particular and periodically since.

I have a high pressured responsible job which I cope wel with. In fact I cope really well day to day. My anxiety is not obvious to others - quite the opposite in fact. I keep it hidden. I can't say I am anxious about something in particular - it's often hard to pinpoint. I've had some family difficulties and during these times although I wouldnt say I felt anxious, I have symptoms
Of anxiety. Does that make sense?? I definitely don't manage certain stressors as well as I used to.

What I do fixate on during these times is my health - I've gone through it all..heart attack, heart disease, various cancers, motor neurons. This week a close relative was diagnosed with a serious condition and I since I found out my symptoms are back with a bang. Achy legs, tremors, and just a horrible horrible worry that I am ill.

I am fed up feeling this way. My life should be good. I have two amazing happy and healthy kids, a lovely supportive husband. I am happy with life. I know that these feelings all started through worrying aboutbmy daughter. I think, therefore, they are linked to trauma. But I just don't know what I can do about them?

I visited my GP earlier this year and saw a locum GP who then spoke to one of the experienced members of the practice and I was given a phone number to call for a helpline that specialises in depression. I'm not depressed. I know I am not depressed. But I think I have struggled to cope with trauma that I have experienced and I want some help now before it gets out of hand.

Can anyone else identify with me and offer advice?

Thanks in advance.

---------- Post added at 22:09 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------

I meant to add that I have always had panics about my health since I was younger. Nothing that I would tell anyone about but I would suffer in Silence until it passed. So I guess it wasn't as new as onto a few years ago.

My mum has always had poor mental health so I guess it has had an impact on me internally