Hello to you all.

I’m sorry to post here again with the same symptoms that I’ve had for AGES, but at this moment in time, I feel like the NMP forum is the only real place I can voice my worries, without affecting those around me. Since finding out that my wife is pregnant, I’ve been battered and wracked with different symptoms of varying degrees, needless to say that my HA has gone off the scale; but I cant let it show.

This lump in the throat is the worst it has ever been, I’m aching in my legs, back, head, neck, my thought pattern is more pessimistic than normal and I could easily crawl back into bed by 8 at night.

As much as I try to be logical, my anxiety and worry is just too much for me at the moment. I’m terrified that this lump in the throat feeling (which I have had on and off since Nov 05) is symptomatic of something dangerous. I had it checked at the docs way back and they said it was the dreaded Globus. But part of me can’t help but worry that it’s a symptom of something terrible and I’ve been trying to convince myself its nothing but anxiety.

I just can’t believe that a persons mind can bring about such symptoms from something like anxiety stress. But I have to say that apart from my anxiety about my health, I don’t feel consciously worried most of the time. What is happening to me? Why can’t I be like I used to be before all of this **** happened? I used to live my life without being aware of constituent parts of my body, or introspecting on my own thought process, but now, it’s like I have become somebody else to a certain degree. I’m terrified of being like this when our child is born, what if I start having bouts of health anxiety when they are here? It takes all of my concentration to simply get my head together and make it to Uni on a daily basis so if I’m trying to cope with this awful anxiety when my son or daughter needs me, then how will I get through it? Plus, as our family lives so far away, we really have no-one else to rely upon which is another level of worry that I have.

I feel guilty about posting yet again on the board as I know I’m not saying anything that I have not done so before, but I don’t know how else to make my way forward with this. If I knew there was some way to get even a little relief from this throat business then that would be such a God send. I can live with aching limbs, dodgy digestive system or even headaches, but if I knew there was a way to get rid of or figure out what is causing this Globus hystericus or why it happens, then at least I would feel like I am making some kind of progress. But, instead, I feel like all that happens is that I have symptoms, I stress about them, I think I might die, I think my symptoms are actually (no, definitely) a sign of cancer and not anxiety or stress, I find it hard to believe that physical symptoms can stem from my worry because (and this is the paradox) at the time, I don’t think that I’m that stressed. Maybe I am. I feel lost in my own head a lot of the time and just wish I could figure out what is going on.


-----------------------------
I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.