well guys,it's been a long time since i have logged on,i have been a mess to be honest!I have been quite ill[chest infection etc]but that is not the problem.I think i lulled myself in to a belief that i was better,you know going to concerts,driving my daughter to work,BUT,all i have been doing is using different stratagies to cover up how i truly feel inside:(I dont go any where else in my car,too scared!I dont go totown or on public transport ,too scared!Oh you know how it goes so i have been depressed too,wont go to drs tho as he doesnt understandI feel as tho i am watching myself living but not actually taking part,wearing a big mask type of thing!!??.Have spent days in bed in a horrrid desperate attempt to block everything out,but just got vile anxiety symptoms and insomnia!!wonderful!!I am not feeling too sorry for myself [a bit tho!]i have gained a lot of weight [comfort and self hatred eating]so i plan to get a treadmill to help shift that[Yeah!]really i want to say sorry to you for being gone for so long,Nic ,Karen,Piglet Fee,Iain and every one.You are like family to me.I have missed our chats.Feels a bit scarey but good to be back.Love you all loads.M.R.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore