So, basically I've had a lot of ups and downs.

I was in therapy at uni but I was sent to a specialized therapist by my gp. I've been struggling with health anxiety for the last year or so but all of it came to a head a year again when I had to face a trauma from the past. I was sexual assaulted. It ruined me but I refused to face it. It over-took my life without realizing it. The need to not think about that pushed me into my health issues and it went over the top.

I've had a endless list of worries, heart issues, all different types of cancer and tumors. You name it? I've worried about it or thought I had it.

Yet? All of my test have come back clear or with something that wasn't so bad after all. I don't have stomach, pancreas cancer. I have IBS. I was dizzy and strange fuzzy issues with my hands and legs? Endless list, brain tumors or cancers or MS or something awful (still on going at times) the results of lack of iron and vitamin B12. Blood cancers? Lymphoma? Just over thinking and hands pressing to much. Heart issues? Chest pains? Tried and tested. Anxiety and acid. Eye's strange? How about wearing my glasses. Strange feelings in my ear/jaw area? Probably just tensing my jaw

Okay, as I typed that I known how much longer the list is getting and oh boy I won't go into it all. I would be a unlucky soul to get it all.

I've listed time and time again the tests I've gotten, yet my mind would always jump to another issues. Stomach okay? Has to be heart issues. Eye's strange? I had a eye test last year and she gave me glasses I don't wear. Wait that's okay- wait I read about brain tumors and cancer.

I've had so many tests in the last year, I've gotta stop thinking about all the issues that might be. I would be very, very sick at this stage or have dropped. I've got my yearly bloods in November and I'm sure I can make it to that if I've made it past the last year. I'm 22, so a heart issues or another sudden awful things that have been tests for is small.

Like, I know I'll have off days again. Worries but it's about talking myself down from it. Remember all the good tests and stop looking for the issues that I'm looking for. That no one's worried about but me. I'm okay, I've made it a full year.

For the sexual assult...that's a real work in process but I see that thing's can be okay. That I can tell people the truth about what happened, that I can trust in people. I've talked to a few people here about the big event but I won't write it here.

Another thing I faced? Flying on my own! I manged to fly two hours over and back- so four hours of plane time by myself! Who would have thought ! I was so proud of myself. I thought I would back out!

So, this is super long. The path is long, there's a lot ahead but I want to face it. I'm going out more, I was gone for two hole weeks, came on this website once that whole time. I find myself coming here less and less. Worrying less and less at the moment. I'm making plans to go out and see people. When I do see them, I don't feel the mind to talk about my health 24/7! I can just enjoy the moment. Just be 22.

Thank you for reading