I really don't know what to do or where to go. I had a breakdown a year and half ago....and never recovered, in fact I've gotten worse, and I am so very very scared and hopeless.

I've been seeing a therapist for ten months, without improvement...my third one in five years and she actually was the best of the three, she sounded frustrated and a little mad at me last time we spoke on the phone, probably because I am not improving....I think she is getting ready too leave me, my house call Doctor is moving next month....and I am unable too find another! Not only am I severely agoraphobia but I am disabled, on a walker and wheelchair....going out NOT only causes terrible panic but severe physical pain. The last time I tried to go see a nurse practitioner I fell down and then months later I almost fainted at dentists, the fear of failing and falling have rendered me housebound. Right now I have a ugly purple red painful itchy sore under armpit....had one last year...staph...but this one is worse...antibiotics did not clear it up, I cannot even leave my house to see Dr or urgent care, I know I will fall and faint, and they won't see me...happened last time NO would not see me in that "condition"? I cannot take pain relievers or antidepressants because they tore my stomach apart..so I have nothing too fight the depression and chronic body pain, I take low dose klonopin for panic and health anxiety, it takes the edge off slightly, but not much. Everyday I feel like I'm dying, this spot under my arm is terrifying me, but I can't go out..and no one will come diagnose.

My friends and family have mostly walked away, they consider me the "emotional and Physical cripple"..Also I am 57 years old and scared that it's "too late" to get well. In my 20's-40's I could handle it better...I had youth on my side, was able too walk and could get help...is it too late for me? My husband and child leave a lot...so I am alone a lot..crying everyday and sad and so scared. I don't blame them..I don't want them too see me and what I have become. I look and feel like I'm dying.

I guess I am the "one" that is not going too heal, even my Dr and therapist are disgusted, I have no money left anyway. I have turned too deep prayer, not even for complete healing, just even partial...I feel like my prayers are being blocked...I don't want too die, but cannot live like this anymore, I feel like I am 95 years old, and at the end. My friend once told me I have too accept God's will, which I understand and believe, but it can't be God's will for me too LIVE this shell everyday can it?

I'm sorry this is so long, I stay in bed most of the time, it alleviates a little of the body pain, depression, panic and intense fear. If anyone could help...grateful..but I realize this must be very depressing, and if you would pray for me please. I guess it's in God's hands now since nothing or no medical professional has helped. Thank you for listening. I pray for you all too recover ( and you will) I hope I'm not too old. So worried about armpit...God bless you all thank you again for listening.