So, i will spare alot of details and back story.... the short of it is, i just found out my dad has been diagnosed (gleason 9). We are still waiting on more test results, so its a very nerve wracking time. There is alot of things going on, but needless to say, this has hit me in a few obvious ways. Of course he is my father, so there is the concern there for him, and my mother, and how they are doing and handling this. But being on this board, there is the obvious OTHER worry... myself now.

I made this thread a few days ago (I know wwe merge threads a lot, but can we leave this separate since it is a different train of thought)..
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?229119-UTI-symptoms-without-the-UTI
And of course, my HA has latches on to it. If my dad has cancer, I am more at risk. And it doesn't matter that I am 35; family history makes you more likely. Even worse, because of my age, no one has ever even suggested a PSA test, so I have no idea where I am at that, leaving my mind to race. I still have back pain, and still some abdominal pain (though the other problems have diminished and gone away); so logically, I must have cancer as well. Even worse, people my age with this cancer have the aggressive kind; and if I am already having these problems, then I am royally screwed. I have been losing weight (though it has been expected; been doing keto, IF, and walking for months, and the loss has been steady and gradual; so my mind says now that it is coincidence, and it is actually cancer weight loss...

My mind is totally destroyed right now. I was studying for a major test this weekend, and can't stop. But with all of this thrown in the mix, I don't know where to go. When my mind latches on to something, getting it off it is..... impossible, at least so far. Between worry for my family, and stressing about myself (as if worrying about my heart wasn't enough), I don't know how to get focus back. SO I know I am going to fail this test, which only adds more stress to things.

Finally... (yes, this will sound like a pity party... maybe it is).. but I am divorced, with just me and my daughter. I don't have family here to be with, nor do I have any friends (my coworkers are there, but its not the same). I go to work, where I am alone with my thoughts, and come home, where I am mostly alone with my thoughts. I am lonely, with no one to even talk to or find comfort in. I don't know where to find the strength to keep going..