I will start this be prefacing great advice offered from Carys and Wisemonkey on a previous thread. I'm seeing a counselor next week.

The last three or four months I've been on the cusp of waiting for terrible news, ie. cancer, etc..

I'm still not all the way past my current issues and waiting for answers.

I've been researching my risks of BC due to family history, habits in past, etc. and essentially I've found that I'm at a much higher risk for BC and feeling that I'm not so sure after the recent lump found that I'll go back to looking at things as I did.

I understand that treatments are progressively better than years past and there should be hope on the horizon, but I feel now that I'll permanently carry this huge fear of when, not IF.

Will it be an interval cancer that shows up between mammograms, or invasive or unsurviveable?

Disappointed in myself for losing my mental resilience to cope, but after the last few months it's as if a switch was flipped and now my breasts and body are ticking time bombs.

I have dense breast tissue, two benign findings (one via biopsy), erratic hormones/start of peri, used to drink, no kids, moderately early menses, and shoddy health on mom's side.. varied cancer, grandmother and ggrandmother, auto immune. My risk is almost double normal women, no idea on BRCA status.

I just dont know how to get past it...its like a dark cloud now. Not sure what I'm asking for...my anxiety on this feels unmanageable. Even after my mammo and ultrasound three weeks ago I'm wondering what's growing inside me and when it surfaces, will I be able to battle that life altering news?

Pile on guilt of seemingly sounding insensitive to those who have experienced cancer themselves...obviously stronger in their grit and resilience than I.

Just needing to get my fears out.