I'm looking for help and advice in conquering my breast HA. I've had so many health worries over the years, from the top of my head down to my big toe (literally). But breast anxiety always eats me up. Once it takes hold of me it puts a fear through me that scares me to death. Sometimes a trip to the doctor will be enough and other times it's a referral to the breast clinic. Which is why I've had a few mammograms over the past few years. But the problem each time is that after a few months, the nagging thoughts start to creep in again. And before I know it I'm back at the doctors in a state, panicking over another lump (usually lump but has been other things too).
And this constant cycle has lead me to where I am now. I'm terrified to check my breasts. I can't do it. Every time I do it I find something. About 6 months ago a new doctor at the practice I go to told me she would check them for me because of the level of anxiety it was causing me. I know some people don't agree with this, but checking them and the thought of checking them was crippling me every month. It was causing me so much stress and anxiety I was starting to crack up with it. But that doctor left a few weeks ago so I'm back to square one again.


She had referred me to the breast clinic just before christmas for a lump I found. At that appointment a junior doctor gave me a breast exam and said he couldn't feel anything worrisome. He called in a senior doctor, she examined where I felt the lump and reassured me it was ok. She told me I have quite a few cysts in my breasts and they are very lumpy. She also said that because I am that way now that I will always be that way. In other words, I will always have lumpy breasts. And the cysts will come and go so the lumps will be in different places. Not what a person with severe breast HA wants to hear!!!
They told me they would give me a mammogram but not on that day. It would be in the new year but she couldn't say when due to covid. It could be January or a couple of months after that. Still waiting for that appointment.


Then last night I rubbed against my breast and thought I felt something. I felt around a bit and started comparing it to the other breast. And it was in the other breast that I found a lump. It's on the outside of my breast, high up, close to my armpit. I'm trying so hard not to sink into the usual place I go. Every lump, bump or lumpy thing I find has to be cancer. My brain won't go anywhere else.
I desperately want to get over this breast anxiety and be able to live normally with my breasts, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to tell myself that I was at the breast clinic a month ago, and even though it was the other breast I was worried about then, surely he would have noticed if something was off where I can feel the lump now? A sinister lump can't grow that quick, can it? And I also had a mammogram 8 months ago.


I don't want to live like this anymore. How do I start to deal with breast HA. I know therapy will help but due to the current situation it's not possible at the moment. I'll do it as soon as it becomes available.
People say to check your breasts regularly and get to know what's normal for you. That's the problem with me. I don't know what normal is because they are changing so much. Lumps appearing, staying there for months and then going away. Some are small, some quite big. Most are solid, some more solid than others. And checking breasts like that when I'm in a state of panic about them, it's too difficult. I feel so defeated by this and it's scaring me how I'm ever going to get over this. I don't want to ring the doctor about this latest lump so where do I even begin to start making progress?


Sorry for the long post but I feel I have to get it off my chest. And I really want this to be the start of by breast HA recovery.
Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks xx