James, you sound isolated when there should be support around to discuss this. Have you got a local Mosque? Do you attend?

You've painted yourself a bad person despite Islam being practical about when it's not possible. They put that there for a reason: so people don't fail when ill and it doesn't make them any less committed to their faith.

I'm wondering if speaking to a spiritual leader would go further than what Blue has reminded you of? They might look at your health and agree it doesn't have to be so all or nothing?

I don't know, I've had Muslim mates over the years but never asked that. But despite the expectations set I've always got the sense it is best efforts because sometimes life gets in the way. And not all Muslims stick to everything but does that mean they are lesser in the eyes of God? Perhaps this is where having a leader to talk to comes in? Maybe starting later is acceptable anyway and shows more commitment than missing it completely?

I don't know too much about religion, any of them, and I would imagine questions like this are answered even online. Maybe consider them? Maybe don't kick yourself if you don't know all the answers? You're new to Islam (I thought you had been a Muslim for years) and isn't a lot of learning required in faith? Aren't mistakes a learning experience and the teachings help provide guidance in dealing with experiences? So maybe it's not as bad as you think and a nurturing God would steer you rather than condemn you?