Okay, this is really stupid but I love you people and could do with some support here.

Historically, I have a bad history of separation anxiety; if my husband was out late at night, I'd suffer violent panic attacks and, 18 years ago at the start of our relationship, sometimes this would lead to self-harm. Eventually, and I'm wretchedly ashamed of this, he mostly stopped going out.

Nearly two decades later and I have a much better grip on my mental health. Tonight, Mr. Iris is going out to work at the election. I couldn't do it because of work commitments, and he's going to be back way, way past my bedtime.

I'm not (that) frightened of something happening to him while he's out - well, okay, I am quite a bit - but I'm really terrified of the panic attack I might get. I know it's irrational (which is why I encouraged him to do it) but I'm really afraid of my own reactions here. He'll be leaving around the time I normally turn in; haven't decided whether to go to bed as normal or snooze on the couch where I can have the cats for company. My gut instinct is just to go to bed in the usual way because seriously, this is absolutely not a big deal at all and I probably shouldn't be treating it as such.

Anxiety is evil and I hate it, and I'll be so much happier when this is all over.