Hi! I have a history of breast issues and health anxiety. I have been diagnosed with GAD and have been through CBT for it.

My breast history started with a galactocele after mastitis that looked like IBC, which sorted itself out after a punch biopsy in left breast. In my right breast, a fibroadenoma was discovered and I had a lumpectomy. Waiting for the pathology results triggered my health anxiety. My health anxiety was extreme for 6 months, then gradually tapered off after a year with therapy to low levels.

During that period I also had a lot of bleeding from my backside, I had a camera up there and was diagnosed with diverticulosis. I also had a pelvic exam as not everything felt right and was diagnosed with a prolapse. I was convinced I had bowel c, or colitis, and ovarian c, and cervical c. I had a mole on my ear and marks on my back and thought I could have melanoma so I took photos every month! I checked my breasts every day! I looked at my poop colour for signs of blood! I paid attention to every little change. I stopped eating and feared food. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop myself googling. I was convinced I would die from the general anaesthetic of my surgery. It was a very dark time filled with fear. I always regret how much time was wasted. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful life but was so distracted all this time.

Everything is fine health wise but my mind health has been poor. During all this, the Covid pandemic hit and I lost my job twice which really impacted my anxiety also. I just went to the cremation of a dear old friend who died suddenly last week, he was only 40. And we buried my friends mother, who unknowingly had lung c and passed suddenly, her disease was so insidious. So bare all this in mind when I describe today’s problem.

Last week I thought I was bitten by a mosquito on the breast. It was itchy and red with a welt. I react badly to bites, often swelling and going hard with large red rashes.

I woke this morning to read a young actress succumbed to IBC. Whilst IBC was at the back of my mind with my HA I had managed to ignore everything because I’m pretty sure it was a bug bite. Then I googled the symptoms and my own. “Rare cancer looks like bug bite” etc. Then I proceeded against my better judgment and what all the counselling has told me, I googled myself down a rabbit hole. More common in younger women- tick. More common in overweight women- tick. Pictures of beautiful young women and their stories came up, seems like anyone could get it even though it’s ‘rare’, it wasn’t rare enough for those women. So if they got it, then why wouldn’t anyone else?

I then read C forums and realise there are many panicked women, and women who were afflicted having to counsel them. That’s how I came about this forum as I didn’t want to burden those who need support themselves, but people on this forum will understand that anxiety can be very overwhelming.

My current state is that I have a red warm rash on my right breast that’s been there for a week. I’m second guessing it was a bite because there’s no bite mark and my anxiety is really acting up. The itching has decreased but the colour is still there. I did scratch it a lot. Mark’s on my breast can take a while to resolve compared to elsewhere. My galactocele bruising took months to go.

I am booking myself at the GP in case it’s a skin infection but also I feel relief that I have actively done something. If it is something then I’ve acted as soon as I could, but if it’s nothing then I won’t waste time worrying.

My health anxiety is a little superstitious in that if I don’t worry about it, it’ll be that. I know that’s irrational.

While I await my GP appointment I wonder how others build mental resilience? Because I basically stop eating, and disengage with my life. I feel sort of detached from everything and carry a heavy ball of dread in my gut. I know rationally it’s a waste of time worrying and it robs you of daily joys, but I feel as soon as my guard is down I’ll be hit. Which makes no sense because that’s not how life works. This perpetual fight or flight wreaks havoc with my health.

A rational person would just say it’s probably a reaction to a bite. It might take a few weeks to completely to disappear. You get bad reactions to bites and the breast is sensitive. You also scratched it a lot which will cause discolouration. If it gets worse and not better, go to the GP and only react to the news as it occurs. Don’t google your symptoms as it’s full of the sensational worst cases, not the average mundane causes. Don’t waste your time with your family and the lovey weather fretting over something that might not be. And if it was, you have no control so you have to trust in others.

How do others manage it? Because I’m not managing. I thought my HA was under control, I check only the appropriate amounts, I leave things a week or so to resolve, I distract myself with podcast and cleaning. And most of the time I am absolutely fine. UNTIL there is a symptom I can’t ignore. Then mental breakdown. Especially if other parts of my life are unstable I’m prone to it.