Hi again - ive managed to get the panic attacks under control, i can now slow my breathing and its working reeli well!
unfortuantly, i hav a new problem :( i felt reeli depressed last friday cos my friends were leaving me out, I was accused of lying bout sumthin and my best was mate was being reeli unkind to me and I still dont know why he was doin it. At the moment (not all the time) i jus get reeli tired, i concentrate on anythin, i havnt been eating properly for 3 months, and ive jus basically felt jus sad and trapped - if that makes sense. Everythin jus seems to make me sad, i never used to cry but now anythin can get me going. I dont find it easy to tell people how im feelin or anything, so i started hurting myself. Ive cut myself before so its not anythin new (i first did it about 2 years ago when i moved school) and for some reason i did it again last Friday. My cousin saw what id done and i promised her i would try not to do it again. I lasted 3 days and then this girl (friends with my cousin) kept tryin to tell me i was bein stupid and selfish because id reeli upset my cousin. So, once again i cut myself and i felt much better. I hadnt told anyone about this because i didnt want to have all the strange looks and people talkin behind my back so I felt reeli guilty and kind of ashamed of what i done. my mum found out when she saw my hand and so i told her evrythin. After this i felt better and didnt hurt myself for 5 days.
On Saturday i felt reeli bad again cos this girl was tryin to tell me not to be so stupid and evryone who knew was sayin that i had to stop being such an idiot and see a doctor. I hurt myself again and i felt a lot better.
My cousin came round yesterday to watch a film with me, and unfortuantly she saw the new cuts on my hand. She got reeli angry with me and completly ignored me the entire time she was here which reeli upset me. When we took her home she sed "how could i break my promise" and why had i done it again. I told her id jus felt reeli bad and i was tryin to make myself feel better.
I dont understand what ive done wrong. I dont feel depressed all the time and i only hurt myself when im upset or angry. I dont think i should keep doin it because of the reaction ive got already but i dont want to see a doctor either because there is nothing wrong with me.
please help me,
Rhiannon xxx