Welcome back Ross and well done with all you have achieved.
Although I haven't been on anywhere near as long a journey as you, I totally agree about 'wanting' to do something more than the 'fear'. I often say I cannot do something but motivation does play a very big role in the difference between what is practically possible for me to achieve and what I am willing to take the risk to try.
Having just come back from the meet up this weekend, right until the last minute I had so many doubts and loads of anxiety - should I drive that far? can I do it? Is it sensible or even reasonable? Then having made the journey (and backed out once on an offer of staying with someone new that I know from this site), I took up her kind offer of staying over last night and I am pleased I did. It is another good friend I have made on this site and another opportunity for our friendship to develop.
Explains it very well to me! We all make our own choices in the end but I believe we can take on board the experiences and learn from others. I certainly am still learning all the time and also feel encouraged and supported in my personal journey.
Karen