I DID IT!
after 30 yrs of holding this all in,and being unable to get wildly angry at the abusers ,i finally did it.in a culmination of over 13yrs therapy withthe same woman,we found a way to do it.they closed off a corridor so i could scream
safely,and i was pumped full stimuli,then surrounded by padding i let go,
i screamed,punched out,begged,cried,and eventually laughed.it was a heartbroken,terrified,horrified rage.i put those inadequate below human torturers in their pitiful place.i won.i laughed with tearful joy as i described my beautiful children and the love from my wife.it was the first time i have ever screamed out what they did.uncensored.i tore them from limb to limb with my bare hands,as i would anyone who hurt my children.
i thought id been screaming for 10-20 mins.it was 90 mins.and i had to be helped up off the floor,exhausted and beautifully empty.
"my apple tree,my brightness,its time we were together"