Hey all,

Well...as my previous post was about going to college and getting the counselling...

TODAY. I had my 3rd counselling session...I was dreading it and felt like saying I cant do go, most people I spoke to yesterday will know how bad I was about not going to it...so I explained to tutor yesterday about it and she said see her before I go to it and see if she can reassure a bit....

So I did...still saying ' I don’t want to at all, I cant do this, nothing will be ok etc etc' But I came around to it and I went and I stayed there the whole time....panicked and cried the whole time and not said a word hardly...so when I finished there...I went back to my lesson and saw my tutor and she told me to go in and sit down for a bit till break...this caused a massive Panic attack....but I coped through it.

When my tutor came too see me she said I looked terrible so she wanted me to stay with her and have a chat with her instead of doing the lesson, so I did...

Managed to say almost everything -how I felt, some of what’s been going on, about the intrusive thoughts of harm etc... I felt safe and comfortable to do it.
Then we agreed on something’s that might help me:
1) Meet once a week at a certain time and talk about things,
2) When I have the thoughts of harming the animals, tell my tutor and she will watch over me.
3)also if I have them, she will let me hold an animal or anything I want to do with like comb, brush, wash etc and show me I can push past them as much as I can and prove nothing will happen.
4) Come with me to see my counselling if I feel safer with her there.

I think there is a success there along the lines of things now and having a supportive tutor and someone to be there for me when I need her.

Thanks so much everyone else that’s here. (toooo many to name)

Nikk xxxxxxx