OK so I thought I'd take my own advice; I've been feeling very alone and isolated and I rarely see my friends, so I decided to meet them half way and compromise.. I'd go out clubbing with them IF it was a gay club, I thought well, Im doing something my friends enjoy and I'm likely to start to feel less isolated and more comfortable with my own sexuality.

My friends dance together, as usual Im the tag-along the one that doesnt really fit- I can't dance- so some gay guys take me under their wing and show me a few moves make me feel part of it, they get some nice girls to dance with me but its clear they are just doing it because they have been asked. It confirms everything:
Im not worth it. I'm a tag-along. no one would ever like me, I hate myself and I hate that I'm agreeing to what they say as I know it just makes me look like an even bigger fool

But hey! I went out....clubbing!!! my friends had a good night and they think I did too. So its all good. Success!