I had to play in a match today but my heart wasn't in it. All I could think while sitting in the car was I wish I was back in bed. I looked out the window and saw a field. I had this sudden image of me playing in that field feeling free and then of being taken away for treatment in a nice bed with some tlc from some nice nurses! Then I was back to reality with my sweating palms just wanting to go home.

Once I was there, nice but sad memories flooded my mind as there were too many reminders. I felt unable to fight them because of my low mood. I just felt trapped. I tried to concentrate on the game but I didn't play well as I felt too distracted by my emotions. Needless to say we lost.

I was low, bored and just felt too tired to fight. It all seemed so tedious and I couldn't find any enjoyment. I think we all need a "spark of excitement" in life to keep us feeling alive or life becomes consumed with negative feelings.

When I got home, I found out the dog had been sick on the carpet. I couldn't even find the energy to get worked up about it. I don't think it surprised me somehow. It was like the icing on a stale cake.

I think in the old days I'd gone for the draw to ease the pain but I tell myself it's just a bad day and things will improve. We mustn't dwell on bad times but look forward with hope and live for the good days.....but tonight, well, as the advice I was once given said, just go to bed and forget today because tomorrow is a new day with a new dawn that just "could" bring a spark back into living because there is always hope however much it feels all is lost.